The Real You
1:1 Long-Form Interviews with Interesting People Doing Amazing Things
In-depth discussion of people's journeys to tap into their full potential and find ways to be the truest version of themselves.
The Real You
EP 20: Navigating Transformation: Lauren Fischetti on Career Coaching, Self-Care, and Embracing Change
Lauren Fischetti shares her transformative journey with us, from her academic pursuits in English at Duke and Columbia to her unexpected path in career coaching.
She navigates the complexities of a high-achiever mentality while balancing work, motherhood, and personal growth. The conversation dives into the art of self-reflection and the challenges of maintaining self-care practices amid life's unpredictable turns.
Lauren's experiences with journaling, meditation, and the pursuit of clarity offer invaluable insights into personal development and resilience.
We explore Lauren's significant life changes, including her cross-country move to San Francisco spurred by a career in FinTech, and the personal challenges she faced, such as the birth of her first child and the loss of a parent during the COVID-19 pandemic.
These experiences highlight the struggle to juggle personal expectations and the importance of external support from life coaches and therapists. Lauren's candid storytelling reveals the difficulties of transitioning back to work post-maternity leave and the pressures of high expectations.
The episode also highlights Lauren's empowering relationship with exercise and experimentation. From overcoming gym intimidation to embracing weightlifting, Lauren discusses the mental and physical benefits of staying active and how an experimental mindset can open unexpected doors.
Join us as we celebrate Lauren's dedication to making a positive impact and uncovering the joy in personal and professional growth.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauren-fischetti/
https://www.laurenfischetti.com/
Welcome to the Real you Podcast. I'm your host, David Young, and this is episode number 20. This podcast discusses tapping into your full potential and finding ways to be the truest version of yourself. Today, I'm joined by my friend, Lauren Fischetti. She's a career and life coach, mom of two young boys and a fellow solopreneur, who I've gotten to know fairly well over these last six or seven months. We are going to discuss her journey, how she found her way to coaching and how she tries to balance everything that life currently has to offer. So, Lauren, thank you so much for taking the time to join me today. Appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Sure, hi, david, thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so. You and I got hooked up on LinkedIn, like most of my guests, and I just really gravitated towards your content. I think it was around January or February. I thought it was some of the most relatable like real content that I had seen on the platform Just really well thought out, really well written. That's kind of what drew me to you initially, and then we've had a couple of calls and communicated back and forth, so I just think what you're doing is great and I hope you keep doing it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:For sure how. So let's start kind of go back. You're from the East Coast, you went to Duke and then you went to Columbia, like what, like kind of what was your plan as you kind of embarked on, you know, going to school and eventually getting a job?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my plan was that I had no plan.
Speaker 1:Like most of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, yeah, I ended up majoring in English in undergrad just because I loved reading and writing, majoring in English in undergrad just because I loved reading and writing. And then from there, kind of toward the end of my time in school, when they start to encourage us to get jobs, I ended up getting connected with a company that was sort of a consulting firm, quasi research firm, and they the work required a lot of writing and I just thought it was a good opportunity to kind of what I love and know, um, and and start kind of learning about the business world, um, and just to have a job just to start getting paid.
Speaker 2:That's the beginning of my career.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, like all of us right, Like you get out and you're just like all right, I want to make some money. Um and you don't give a lot of. I didn't give any thought. I had no future thought other than just get a job, and then that was it. Like that's where my thinking stopped.
Speaker 2:Totally, I will say, like in college. Actually, I briefly thought I wanted to be a journalist.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because, like I said, I loved writing. Now I wrote for the school paper in a bunch of different ways and I think it just at the time didn't feel like quite the right fit for me, and then I knew I wanted to keep writing.
Speaker 1:But yeah, do you do any writing like on the side? Do you like journal or write short stories or anything?
Speaker 2:I journal now and I have, so it's not something I've done for most of my life. I'll say, um, maybe five or so years ago my therapist suggested it, um, as a way to just process some of the different things that were stressing me out. And so I, that was kind of my first fray into journaling, and then, um, I didn't journal again for years and then I picked it up again, about a month ago actually, and I've been again really loving it because it's a great way, or I find it to be a great way, to process thoughts. I think I think most clearly when I'm writing by hand.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, it's like getting it, getting it from your head to the paper, and there's a transference of process in that, just in that in the process. I've never been able to get into it.
Speaker 1:I I think every other post I read on LinkedIn is telling me that you know, if I'm not journaling, I'm basically losing it and I think at some point maybe it'll seep in and I'll just do it, because I'm like, oh my God, I'm missing out. But I I think at some point maybe it'll seep in and I'll just do it, because I'm like, oh my God, I'm missing out. Um, but I've never been able to stick to it. I do it for like one or two days and then I'm like I'm not getting anything out of this.
Speaker 2:I think I'm going to quit. I think different people process things differently and think differently and and all of that.
Speaker 1:So I think it's okay if it doesn't work for you.
Speaker 2:I can't meditate either I'm just so. I'm so behind on the self, on the self-help.
Speaker 1:What is your five-step process? To a perfect day, you're failing at all of them. I do drink water first thing, so at least I think I've got one of the five I think that's pretty unanimous like hydrate first thing so I can check that box, and I think after that it's like an F minus, like I don't work.
Speaker 2:Well, if.
Speaker 1:I'm running. I will run typically first thing. So maybe I'm like 40%, like three days a week. So I don't know, maybe it's not so bad. You got that first job, like, did you like it? Did you think like, oh, this isn't bad, did you think it was terrible? Like, what were your like initial thoughts as you kind of moved into the adult world?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I thought it wasn't bad. There were a lot of things I really liked about it. I started with a group of other like recent grads, and so it was just a nice kind of way to start your professional career. I learned how to think in a structured way, which has been helpful throughout the rest of my career, and I got some really interesting exposure to the business world, which just felt kind of far away from what I had done in college. And so I think for a first job, it was great.
Speaker 2:I think for a first job, it was great, and I think the only thing I felt which was really just like a theme that I should probably keep touching on is just like this kind of question of like this is good, but like is this, it Like what? Not that I have this idea that there's anything that we should be doing, but I think I felt then and sort of wondered throughout my career, like well, what you know, what? What is, what are those things that would make me feel like I'm really kind of like using the skills and strengths and, um, even just like my natural personality and all of that um, on a day-to-day basis?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I totally feel that I was just like my natural personality and all of that on a day-to-day basis. Yeah, I totally feel that I was just like 15 years late to that party before I started thinking like having those thoughts. I was too busy when I was younger, I didn't have enough depth. When I first started working, it was just like oh, this is fun, I'm making money, I'm traveling.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Let's not give it too much thought I mean that's better, though, like you can just enjoy, enjoy the experience, enjoy the moment um yeah, I think maybe it's probably easier for me to say yes to that now.
Speaker 1:Um, looking back on it, I was like I should have. I should have been quicker, I should should have started doing this sooner. Um, what so when? So it was going pretty, it was going okay, you didn't mind it. Uh, you were, you were still, you were pretty early and starting to think like bigger, like this is there's gotta be more more to life than this. And like I'm capable of more than, like, whatever this job is offering me. Um, is that what prompts you to go get your MBA? Or was that like later on? Or like how did what factored? What played?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, definitely, I think that was a big part in it.
Speaker 2:Um, to be like perfectly honest, I think until a year before I applied for MBA programs, I didn't even really know that an MBA was a thing um and then I started to see some people kind of like my peers or a little bit ahead of me starting to think about business school and I was like, oh, that seems interesting. And when I was applying to business school I was in, I had gotten interested. So I was in a financial like, a consumer financial services practice in that first job and I had this is like many years ago and so this was kind of the beginnings of like oh, look at these innovative companies that are doing things with the Internet and with, like mobile phones you can send money back and forth between people on mobile phones and different things like that. And so I started to become interested, both in kind of like, in the ways that technology could help people have easier access to their money, feel more comfortable interacting with their money.
Speaker 1:Um, and so I I went into business school thinking I want to do something sort of like in that world, but not not quite sure like what that, what that meant or what that looked like and so is that because you you worked in tech for a while, so was the tech kind of based from that experience and then going through the mba program and then that's what kind of moved you like into that world.
Speaker 2:Post, post, mba yeah, in in with a detour, because right after my mba I did like a sort of like general management rotational program at city bank, in their consumer bank, and, and I think I convinced myself that I needed to have like traditional financial services experience first.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I really believed that or if it was because the companies who come and recruit on campus are these more traditional companies and so it's like an easier path, or not even easier, but it's kind of like the path most people are taking to their jobs and so, like at that time, I think now it's different in business school and there's a lot more people who go to tech and startups and all of that. But at the time I remember like noticing a handful of my peers and friends who are going that route and I was like, wow, that's that's like brave of them, cause they're like on their own figuring it out. They have to like really believe in it and in themselves. Um, and so I ended up going to Citibank for a few years and then I was like, okay, now I really want to work for a company that's like using technology to help people have a better relationship with with their money.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, I mean. So it's pretty linear. I mean it makes sense, right, like consumer and then finance and then tech and then tech that's related to money. So I don't know, to me it makes sense that you were following like a pretty logical.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely a logical path and I think I don't like it's a it's a totally great path, like I don't I. I I don't regret anything about what I did. Um, I think like one of the interesting things, as I've reflected back on it and I see this with a lot of my my clients as well is that the path is. You sort of think about the next step in terms of like where you are right now and what you've done, and like what your perspective, which is totally human, nature and natural. So it took me a while to take that step back and just be like is this whole thing at all what I want to do? And so you know, like you keep going on this path and you do make intentional decisions that do make sense and are interesting to you. But then I just sort of like reached a point where I was like wait a minute.
Speaker 1:But then I just sort of like reached a point where I was like, wait a minute, that's called timeout. So you're from New Jersey, if I remember correctly, and so most of your upbringing and obviously college, was in the Carolinas, but most of your life was spent like East Coast and especially like the Northeast. How did you make?
Speaker 2:your way to San Francisco when you got married, or was that because of the tech part or, like what got you to the West coast? It was because of the tech part.
Speaker 2:Um my my husband is from the Bay area. Um, but we, I would like you know, as I mentioned, I wanted, I knew I wanted to get into tech and specifically FinTech, and there were some options in New York that I looked into, but most of the opportunities were in San Francisco and also I was just interested in like new city, different, just trying out something different as well.
Speaker 1:Was it hard to leave like friends and family, to go that far away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was and it still is, most of from like college and grad school. My friends are sort of like all over the place, but I'm still very close with friends from high school, many of whom are in that sort of like northeast corridor. My family um is all on the east coast and so it's definitely yeah, definitely hard to be out here.
Speaker 1:Do you guys try to get um, try to get over there like a couple times a year, or do you have like a set schedule or just kind of whatever you can mix it in?
Speaker 2:yeah, um, I. So now that I have, um, the two young kids so when I first moved here I was going east all the time, um, just because it was also the season of, like, weddings and baby showers and stuff and I like the number of red eyes I took is kind of crazy. But now that we have the young kids, my mom does most of the traveling out here to come visit us in California, and we do. They're getting a little bit older now so we're trying to go out more often, out to New Jersey and my brother's in Virginia. I have aunts in Florida, so there's we do kind of like a few different east coast trips to different places nice, yeah, and I'm sure as the kids get even older than that, that'll become you know, even easier when you don't have to constantly be providing them entertainment and snacks around the clock.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So you're in California, you're doing the FinTech, you're starting a family. Like at what point? Like when did you start really like, really struggling? Was it after the birth of your first son? And then you were like, oh, this is, this is not going well. Is that when it, yeah, really started?
Speaker 2:yes, yes. So I think after the birth of my first son, um, which was like, compounded by he was born like a week or two before, I think, maybe three weeks before covid lockdown started, um, about a month and a half before he was born, my dad suddenly died, and so there was just a lot.
Speaker 2:There's a lot going on to start, and I think I just didn't where I know, I didn't allow myself to process any of it. It was just like I'm fine, of course I'm fine, like I'm just going to keep doing everything, and then um, and then yeah, and then just coupled with the, my personality and kind of like the way I'd always approached work, which I think is common for a lot of people just to like things have to be perfect and you have to work as hard as you can and all of that, and so trying to still do that after having a kid and with everything that was going on was really hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's that high achiever syndrome. Right, like everything has to be done to the this really high level Cause that's just like what you're used to doing throughout most of your life. So why would you like? Why?
Speaker 2:would you stop Exactly.
Speaker 1:Um, and it's hard, it's hard to dial it back, it's hard to do B minus work, um, um, when you're yeah when you're wired that way, yeah, um, which is so funny because the notion of b minus work like it's not even.
Speaker 2:I feel like when you're so intense about things you could so easily just not be so and I, you know, I would even see other people and be like they seem to be doing just just fine and not being so intense about things, but it's just when you're so used to being that way it's hard to actually change and be like it's okay, things are fine.
Speaker 1:Well, you have to get outside of yourself and it's very hard to do that, yes, and that's something I've learned, probably more recently, where you have to kind of see yourself from the outset Totally. But when you're stuck on the inside, which is where most of us reside all the time, it's always just an outward like this is how I'm wired, this is what I do Go, go, go, get it done. It's always great, it's always on time, it's early, all that kind of stuff, yep, and it can be draining at best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, and I love that idea of getting outside yourself. I think when you're in that go go go place and then, especially when you're having other things going on that are making you like stressed, overwhelmed, whatever, it's just even harder to really like to be at all in a place where you can see, see yourself in that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Um. So you you took time off, had the baby, but then you you did go back. Um, and I even know in a recent post you were talking about how you did a really good job of planning for your time away but didn't really plan for your return, um, which I think is very common.
Speaker 2:So when you went back was, was it like an immediate like oh fuck, I don't know how I'm gonna do this, or you grin and bared it for a period of time yeah, it's a good question, you know, I think when I first went back I could tell something felt weird, but I didn't understand what it was, and I think I think it came from two things. I think one is the not processing all the stuff that had happened in my life. And then I think the other one and we've I've written a lot about this as well is feeling like I had to and like I wanted to pretend that nothing had changed in my life, like especially at work, but I think, just in general.
Speaker 2:I went into parenthood, being like I'm not going to let having kids change my life, like I'm not going to be one of those people who does, like you know XYZ totally normal thing that all parents have to do, but I just didn't get at all at the time.
Speaker 2:And so I think, like I think some people go back to work and they're like, oh my God, this is so horrible. Like I want to, I want to be home with, I want to spend more time with my kid, but I can't because of work, and I think I was like so resisting the idea of like leaning into the parent side of my identity that of course, I like love my son and I love spending time with him, but I didn't like I didn't like get that that was part of what was going on. I think I was just. I think the feeling I had was like this suddenly seems less important I don't know if important is the word, but it just felt like it didn't. What I was doing didn't matter in the same way that it felt like it had before and I couldn't tell if it was because of COVID like it did feel different.
Speaker 2:Also, I went out on maternity leave during non-COVID and I returned like several months into COVID, and so there was also this element of like when you're at work every day, in addition to the work you do, you see people and you talk and you hang out, but then when your work is stripped down to like the work sitting in front of your computer staring at people on a screen. I think for everyone. It's not like I'm having a deep thought here. We know that everyone sort of was like whoa, what is the?
Speaker 1:point. Well, yeah, I mean, I think to a certain extent, but I think it was different for you because you left before. It then came back under such totally different circumstances, like I was already working from home three days a week anyway, and so when covid hit, I was just working from home five days a week and my kids were older, so it wasn't like a huge adjustment. So I think for you the adjustment was significantly, significantly greater.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's not like remote work was not something that we had like dabbled with. It's not like you had done that at like four previous jobs. Right, it wasn't even a thing. So, everybody was kind of learning on the fly and yeah, all the zoom, all the zoom meetings and the death by zoom and like all that kind of stuff was was new yeah, yeah, still kind of feels new well, that's why they're, that's why they're making everybody come back to the office.
Speaker 1:Uh, so then? So at what point? Because eventually you just up and quit, correct? Yes, yes, was that before, before or after you had your second son?
Speaker 2:it was before I had my second son, so I um it was after I had been back at work probably for like a year, year and a half, when it happened so, um, I think like the summary of what happened is that feeling I described of like huh, this like doesn't feel like quite as meaningful as it did before.
Speaker 2:Um, and then it, and then I think it just transitioned into like whoa, this is like really hard, I'm really busy. And then I got, um, I like got a sort of bigger role. That was on a in a slightly new area, and I think because of the state I was already and I wasn't able to just be like hey, this is like a cool, exciting opportunity. It's okay that you don't like know this super well. You're in this role because you're not in this role because you know it well. You're in this role because you're a good leader and that's why they wanted you there, and so it's okay.
Speaker 2:And so I think I just let this like stress of that sort of like build and build and build, and I got to a place where I was like I guess, let's see I was I think I was feeling overwhelmed by all the work and really low confidence in myself.
Speaker 2:And so I, I, I sort of I feel like I've worked myself up into these like stress cycles about it and I think it like accelerated the feeling of like well, maybe this isn't like. I think at the time I wasn't. At the time, I wasn't this career path is wrong, although I think I had a little bit of an idea of that in my mind. But at the time I think I felt more like you know hang on a second, i've't know like one or 2000 people, it makes sense that the same people person who loved working at that company six years ago maybe feels like this isn't a great fit right now. And so I think when I left, I definitely was like, feeling super burnt out and like I can't, I just can't deal. But I think I wasn't yet like and I'm going to make a huge career change. I think it was more like okay, I'll probably do something that's like to your point before, like a logical next step that makes sense based on what I've already done.
Speaker 1:Was it slowly building where you were like I think I'm going to quit? Or did it like hit you one day where you're like, okay, I can't take, I have to quit? Or like, were you having conversations with your partner about like this is what I'm feeling? Or like how like. What was the like? What was that process like, where you just got to the point where you're like I can't work another?
Speaker 2:great question. Um, I, in some ways it's hard for me to even remember because I think my mind was like so my brain was so like dysfunctional at that time, but I know I wasn't talking nearly enough with my partner or anyone in my life about what was going on. I think I was like I'm so stressed out, I blah blah, but it wasn't like let's like actually talk about what's going on and what I actually am feeling, and I think that would have been immensely helpful. But I didn't do that and so I think the stress was just building because I wasn't handling it in a productive way in my personal life and in my work life. And I think I just had this like the thought of leaving and taking a break at some point had been in my work life and I think I just had this like the thought of leaving and taking a break at some point had been in my head.
Speaker 1:But I think there was just like a moment where I was like I think I, I think I have to just leave yeah, when I would have done the same thing for the record, um, I would have talked to anyone uh, I've quit twice, I've quit jobs twice and I thought and we've talked about this and you posted about it, um, I thought quitting would like solve the problem magically. I'll remove this huge boulder, right that I hate that. I hate that's causing me all these problems, and then and then everything else will improve. Um, and I did that, not once, but I did it twice and both times. While it does help, um, that you no longer have to deal with X, then what?
Speaker 1:Right Now you have all this, I have all this time in your hands. What are you like?
Speaker 2:what are you? Going to do Right, totally yeah, and I think like part of my thinking and quitting was exactly that.
Speaker 1:Totally yeah, and I think like part of my thinking and quitting was exactly that.
Speaker 2:I was like I know I can't keep doing this, but I also feel like I can't figure it out in the state that I'm in in this job and so if I leave, then it'll be, it'll be magical, I'll figure it out. I'll have all this time, I can do all this research. I'll have so much clarity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll be great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great thought that will just like find its way into my mind. That somehow has eluded me, for, you know, the past 30 plus now almost 40 years, like um, which obviously, as you know, because we've talked about this, didn't happen it's amazing, does not work that way.
Speaker 1:Um, what so? So you took the time, you quit, you were. You had time. Now, time on your hands. You have a toddler ish at home. Um, what? How did how? Were you spending like the time? Was it fun? Were you still stressed? Were you sleeping more Like?
Speaker 2:yeah.
Speaker 1:Like what, like what was going on.
Speaker 2:It was not fun, um, which is like, I think, as we've discussed in some ways it. I don't know if it had to be that way, but like I still just felt. I still felt kind of terrible, like I um it like maybe a week after my last day of work I found out that I was pregnant with our second son.
Speaker 2:So I will give myself some grace, like I was, you know, the first few months of my time off I was also first trimester like exhausted, nauseous, everything. My son was in daycare but even just like you know, I picked up, like my husband and I actually talked a lot about like well, now that you have this time off, I don't want you to suddenly be doing all the cooking and all the cleaning and all the everything, because then you'll have no time to figure things out. But you know, I tried to do a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Having a toddler is exhausting and I think I still like I hadn't processed any of what had happened or what had happened in my life, as I keep saying, and so that stuff was all still weighing on me as well. And so I think I am a person who is very I like to plan and do things and make the most of days and time and all of that, and I think I thought that the time off would look one way. So, in addition to the fantasy about like magical insights coming to me, I also assumed the time off would look one way, which is how I historically like spent time when I'd had some time to myself and I didn't have, like that I don't know what it was the energy, the willpower, like the emotional strength. There were some days where I like, I'm like I don't know what I did. I did sleep more, I cooked dinner, a bunch of things like that.
Speaker 2:But sometimes it would be like, okay, I went on a walk or I had signed up for a pottery class and it was like hard even to be like I have to get to this pottery class but I don't even want to go do that. So I did have like a list of things in the city and surrounding area that I sort of like slowly was just doing different restaurants and hikes and things like that. I really didn't. It was I feel like almost ungrateful saying this, but it was not.
Speaker 1:It was not an enjoyable yeah, no, I totally, I totally get it. Um, when I know at some point you found it was either a life coach or a therapist, or maybe both Um was that more kind of out of desperation, Like I don't know what the fuck to do. I need to talk to somebody, or somebody recommend that to you, or like how did that that come to be?
Speaker 2:So I first I found a coach, a career and life coach. Um, I should have found a therapist right after my time, but I just was like I'm fine, and it still took me almost a year and over a year into my time off to be like, whoa, I need a therapist. So the first thing I did was find a coach. About three or four months into my time off I was like, okay, I think I finally felt the shift in how terrible I felt and was like, okay, I'm ready to do something and I can't do this on my own. And so I'm going to get a coach.
Speaker 2:And I had I'd worked with a career coach in the past, actually shortly before my maternity leave, she helped me, she's the one who helped me think through how to plan for the leave and all of that think through how to, how to plan for the leave and all of that. Um, and I had actually had I forgot to mention this like a few months or maybe a year, a few months before I left my former job, I had had the first inkling of like, maybe coaching is something that would be interesting to me as a, as something like a career, a side thing, a way of being at work? I wasn't really sure, and I had started taking coaching classes, coaching courses through the Coactive Training Institute, so I was familiar with the coaching world and so I was like, okay, I need a coach.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I found I did like an intense. I think I had sample calls with like eight or nine coaches and I was like oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:See, I would have done the same thing Also would have had an Excel spreadsheet detailing all eight of those calls and pros and cons and cost and all of it. Yeah, so I would have done that too. When were there any? Was there anything eye-opening like when you started working with them? Was that kind of the beginning of like making some progress, or was it still kind of felt lost in the darkness?
Speaker 2:It was the beginning of making progress, for sure, I think it was the beginning of making progress. I think I still so. What I hoped would happen when I worked with a coach was that I would figure out some other regular career or some variation on my existing regular career that made sense for me, or some variation on my existing regular career that made sense for me. And so the outcome of coaching was not that, nor was it so clear, and so I think I was still feeling a little bit lost, only because I think I wanted it to be one thing Like I wanted it to be the easier or like regular answer where I could just go get a different job. And at the end of it there were certainly some regular types of jobs that were in my list of things to consider, based on, you know, personality, interest, strengths, whatever needs, all of that, but the things that rose to the top were more not that. So it was like it wasn't.
Speaker 2:Coaching was still, I think, because I enjoyed the courses at first and then was taking them throughout some of those dark periods of my life, and so I had soured a little bit on it, I think not because of coaching itself, but because of where I was and so it was.
Speaker 2:It was in that list but not near the top was like I've always had this dream of being I called it a content empire. But just like I love writing, as we've talked about, and so I love the idea of being able to and I love sharing stuff with people that makes helps them, like make their life better in some way and so like that, something like that was near the top of the list. And some other ideas like getting a PhD in like organizational psychology or something like that, because being like a researcher seemed interesting and being a professor seemed interesting. And then there were just some other like I think the idea of entrepreneurship or somehow doing my own thing was up there as well, whether it was like as a marketing consultant or something else. That's something where I was sort of like doing doing my own thing, was definitely on top did you?
Speaker 1:because the mistake I made I've worked with three career coaches and I always the mistake I made with all of them maybe not the last one, but the first two for sure is I just thought they were going to solve my problem for me. So, like I would take the career personality test, or I took a, you know, career aptitude or interest test, and then you know, I had these results and I just thought they'd be like all right. Well, here here are your top four options just get a job, get one of these four jobs and yeah like you're all set forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and doesn't work that way no, no, it doesn't um, it doesn't yeah yeah, totally, and I know some of I feel like some of my clients come into coaching with that perspective as well, which I totally get. Um, I, I definitely felt a little bit of that. I think I knew that's not how coaching worked because of some of the coursework I'd already done, um, but I definitely wanted someone outside of myself to be like and here it, um, and so, yeah, but like you, you know they can obviously help you by asking the right questions and noticing maybe like patterns or things that you're not, that you're not seeing. But, yeah, there's no silver platter with. Here's your three careers.
Speaker 1:So true. Did the career life coach move you or nudge you towards a therapist, or did you get there on your own? Or how did you eventually find therapy? Because I'm a huge therapy person myself. I've seen one for the last 10 years and I probably wouldn't be here if I I mean talking to you right now, if I hadn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got there on my own, unrelated I, with my second son I had, um, maybe like five or six months into his existence Um, I started having some breastfeeding challenges that I think were just related to stress Well, I don't think I know they were related to stress and I was like totally like overwhelmed and absorbed by it, and that was actually what ultimately led me to be like Whoa, you have got to see a therapist. And so, while I went for something well, they're like the the impetus, I guess, was something not related to, or seemingly not related to, everything that had gone on and was still going on. It's because of all of that stuff that I was in the place where I was, where I had this like immense stress. That was just, like you know, kind of like destroying everything. It was also like hurting, like my marriage and everything, and so I at that point, like that was the. It was probably like the straw that broke the camel's back and it felt like the reason. But obviously we barely talked.
Speaker 1:We barely talked about that, we talked about everything else, right, well, it had had been, it had just been weighing on you for years at that point, exactly exactly so, um, yeah, so, yeah, um, well, I'm really happy that you got there. It's probably better that you got there on your own, even if it took longer than maybe you wanted it to. But, yeah, you'll get more out of it. And because if you, it always is like if somebody talks you into it or pushes you, I don't know, like I don't really want to, I don't really want to talk to this person but so and so thinks I need to.
Speaker 1:So I will. But if you get there on your own, you're much more like open to like I really need to talk. I gotta get.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I gotta somehow process yeah, yeah um, so yeah, I'm a huge, I'm a huge therapy guy. I don't know if I would ever not see one. Just I don't know. There's something about that like independent third party, that you can just say things to them you can't say to anyone else. Um, yeah, and it just sometimes, it's actually just sometimes nice to just say it out loud, even if it's complete, like non complete nonsense.
Speaker 1:Um, you just can verbalize it yeah, yeah, no, it's so, it's so um, so so you're, you're working your way through that, and then so you kind of had the entrepreneurship. You kind of dabbled, or at least thought about, like coaching. At what point then in that process were you like all right, like I'm not going to go back to a traditional, you know, corporate job, let's try, like life coaching, career coaching, for for me to help others? Um what, how did you kind of arrive there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I'll try and make it as short as possible. So, after working with my coach uh, the one I was like why don't I my son? I was like, actually, I think my son was born the day we were supposed to have our like last session of the original package. But through through working with him, I was like, OK, let me see how I can explore this like writing thing. I think I signed up for a little course on writing on Twitter. I started just experimenting. I was like whatever, I don't know anyone on Twitter, so I'm not embarrassed, I hadn't used Twitter at all.
Speaker 2:And so I was like I'll just start writing and I was writing about new stuff for new leaders. So I had had this idea for a while, based on my experience of becoming a manager and feeling like I had no support, no training, and it felt so hard. But then, once I figured it out, I was like it's not hard, I just had no idea and I had no support. I had no one to tell me what to do. And so I'd had this idea for a while of like either creating like templates or courses or whatever it was for new leaders. Um, and so I started writing on some of those topics that had been brewing in my mind for like five plus years.
Speaker 2:And, um, I started doing that experimentally before my son was born and then I tried to do it like here and there. Obviously, after he was born I was like full time caring for him, but I tried to do it here and there while he was sleeping and whatever, just again to like keep experimenting. And then through that I was like I think I realized I was like I like writing, like talk to people about it, um, and so that was my first thought, that that hey, um, you know, maybe coaching was or is the right thing, and it just wasn't at the time because of everything that was going on for me. And so I signed up for the remaining two courses of the foundational series through that collective, that organization, my son started daycare, I think in about five or six months, and so I signed up for the courses right after that and then I was like, okay, I'm going to give it a try.
Speaker 1:Nice, going to give it a try, nice, um, and you and I have talked about how, if you knew how hard it was to build like an online coaching business or really any online business, you would never do it. Uh, cause it's so, it's so much easier to be an employee. Um, what like how? How do you go about trying to manage, you know, being a mom and a partner and a daughter and a friend, and exercise and like all the like all the things.
Speaker 1:How do you, how do you try to, how do you juggle all of it, how do you try to juggle all of it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so when I first started I did it not very well and that this is actually something I worked through a lot with my therapist. I um, I think it was this idea that I think twofold One. I was so used to the idea of a nine to five and like always being at your desk, always working and having to like work in a certain way, that I just tried to like work in that way in my business. And then the second thing is like the cultural story that we have that in order to do something like this, you have to work nonstop, 24, seven to make it work. And so at first I was working all the time. I wasn't exercising. It was easier for me to prioritize my kids and and everything that it had been in the corporate world Cause I think I was like, well, no one's like sending me slacks or expecting my response.
Speaker 2:On some decks, I think it was easier for me to be like, okay, this is kid time, um. But I was still like working after they went to bed and all this stuff and, like I said, not really taking care of myself very well. And then two things happened. First my therapist was like, did you become a coach so you could work in exactly the same way as you did in your former job? And I was like no, that's a good question.
Speaker 2:And then another question she asked me was or maybe it wasn't a question, but I think maybe I responded to her and was like no, but in order to build a successful business, you have to like really grind at first. And she was basically like if you build your business through grinding, then you will have a business whose foundation is built on grinding and so you will always be grinding and obviously you can like change things, but like that's kind of the foundation you're building. Obviously you can change things, but that's kind of the foundation you're building. And so I think that we have this idea that you have to earn or deserve to live a certain way or run your business a certain way, and I think she helped me see that Obviously you need to try hard and it's harder when you're getting started.
Speaker 2:And I do things now that I would like to maybe not do when my business is more established, do things now that I would like to maybe not do when my business is more established, but she helped me see that you want to build a foundation of your business. That is the life, that is the way you want to work and the way you want to live your life, and so that was that was really helpful. And then, unrelated, my husband, I think he came to this realization where he was like, when our kids are young, if I want to exercise, I have to do it during the workday. And he started doing that and I was like, well, if he's doing that in like a job what am I?
Speaker 2:doing? Why can't I just do that? And I started experimenting with running and lifting weights like first thing in the morning during the workday, and I found that when I did that I came back to my desk feeling more energized, creative, focused. And I mean, obviously there's no like scientific measurement, but my sense was that I was as productive, if not more productive, with those fewer hours than I had been just sitting at my desk all day. And I know that, like he found that too, and it's not surprising given what we know about exercise. But I think I just had to like experience that to realize one, it's okay. To realize one, it's okay. And then I think two as I continue to work. I like work on myself in the same way I work with my clients. And I think another realization I've had is, like you know, you have like one body and one family and one life.
Speaker 2:And so you know, those are the things that are really important.
Speaker 1:No, I think that's no. It's so true, and I mean A just the benefits of exercise, like you said. But I think there's also something where there's like such a mental side when you exercise you just feel better about yourself, so that just puts you in a better frame of mind to do whatever, but especially if you're trying to do something creative. The other thing too is I think there's a fancier term for it, but it's like however much time you give yourself to do something is how long it will take. Yeah, exactly, so if you're used to sitting down at your desk at, say, 8 and you haven't exercised and you're like I want to be done this by 2, then you'll just figure out a way for it to take 6 hours.
Speaker 2:But if you exercise for 2 hours and you sit down at your desk at 10 and you're like I still need to's part of it too where you just you truncate the time but you still figure it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, um, somebody said something to me earlier today actually, which I thought was really interesting is he was talking about, like when you're new and trying to build something. Um, he said like six or seven revisions or pivots or iterations in the first like two to three years is pretty common I thought that was really interesting and eye-opening because, like I kind of thought, like well, I'll just pick one thing and that'll be it, um, and like I think I've already pivoted at least twice I'm considering doing it like a third time.
Speaker 1:It's been six months. Um, that kind of gave me like some grace to be like oh okay, so this is all just one big experiment yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:I think that perspective in general of seeing things as as an experiment, like the big picture is an experiment, but even the smaller things like that, your different strategies, or the ways you try, the, the tactics you employ to like, try and achieve certain things, if you look at it all as an experiment rather than like this is like the plan and if I don't, do the plan, then I failed.
Speaker 1:Um just makes the whole thing yeah, that's a good, I mean, that's a great mindset. It's like a thinking like an engineer, where it's always tinkering and like planning and different things. And yeah, you don't even really expect it to work. You're just like, hey, let's just see, like, let's just see how this goes, and then if it doesn't go that well, you're like all right, that doesn't work, let's try something else. And if that goes pretty well, you're like all right, that seems we're seeing to be onto something. Let's do more of that. Right, like it's yeah much more.
Speaker 1:It's like free, so it's a freer, it's a freer existence.
Speaker 2:Totally, totally, and it gives you like the freedom and the grace to be figuring things out. I think that's actually sort of like shifting gears a little bit, but that's been one of the recently in my business. I think that's been a huge mindset shift. For me is to acknowledge and celebrate that I'm figuring things out. I think when I first started felt that I wanted to, I needed to believe, like I am a success and I will be a success, and that's the mindset I wanted to have to ensure that I succeed in this business. And recently I came across some interesting tools that basically say well, if you're trying to convince yourself of something that you don't fully believe yet, then it doesn't work, and so you kind of pick a thought that's in the middle that you actually do believe. And that's where I landed on this idea of like I'm figuring everything out. I'm just figuring it out and it makes it. Yeah, it makes everything. Everything you do. You're like this is just an experiment, I'll see if it works, because I just don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, I don't know if you follow Melissa Pike on LinkedIn. She's a health and life coach. She had a post recently that talked about this idea of like thinking of everything as like a possibility, so like not not so black and white, um and like. One of the examples she had in her post was like I don't know going to like a networking event and you know that you don't really want to go to and your mindset is very fixed in that, like I don't want to go to this, so like I'm not going to meet anyone, and you're shifting to that so like I might't want to go to this, so like.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to meet anyone and you're shifting to that. So like I might not want to go, but it's possible that I might meet someone interesting or whatever, and I thought that was. It's kind of the same, saying the same thing in a different way, but I thought that was an interesting way to think about it. So when you're starting something new, I think our brains tend to like throw the fear at us and like, oh, it's not going to work or it's a bad idea or whatever, and instead you can be like I don't know, like it's possible it might work, let's give it a try.
Speaker 2:Totally, totally. It reminds me of, um my. One of my favorite questions, when either I or somebody else is sort of like doing worst case thinking, is just to also then ask like, well, what's the best that could happen?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause we are. Our brains are wired to think about, to keep us safe, to think about the worst case scenario.
Speaker 1:Well, and you have that other question, I think it's why not you? Which I think is awesome, right, yeah, yeah, I love that one.
Speaker 2:Such a just such a positive, like full of hope, question, which I is great yeah, and I feel like when you ask it, you're like, yeah, why not, why not?
Speaker 1:you're right like, yeah, I can totally do that. So, yeah, no, I love that. Um, as we wrap up here talk about so you talked about running. I know you've done posts on like weight lifting, like how did? How did you? Did you do weightlifting when you were younger? Did you find this recently? What got you there and what do you love most about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's something I started recently. My husband, shortly before our second son was born, started weightlifting at a gym near us because a while ago maybe now like six or seven years ago he had herniated a disc in his back, um, and since then he's been trying to just like keep his core strong as a way to like protect against herniating it again. Um, and I forget why. He just decided, like I'm just going to work out with a personal trainer for a little bit to like actually really figure out what I need to do to to make this work. And he like loved it, absolutely loved it, and became obsessed with it. And he was like you have to do this, um, and at the time, like our son had just been born, so obviously I I couldn't weightlift, but he was like, as soon as you feel ready, you absolutely have to do it. And so I started working out.
Speaker 2:There's a, there's a gym in our neighborhood. It's like a one minute walk from our apartment and it's an outdoor gym, which you can do in San Francisco because you can work out outdoor year round Um, and so I think like, in addition to well well, actually I'll pause that thought for a second so I started working out with a trainer and I think I, um, it took a while like I liked it, but it took a little while for me to get into it. Um, and I think there was a big like intimidation factor, even though I was like with her to be like. You know, I've always thought of weightlifting as like the realm of like strong dudes and so like who am I to be here on this squat rack like doing this thing? And especially once I was done working with the trainer and had to go by myself, I was like oh my God, like what if I do something wrong?
Speaker 2:What if people like and this was actually a big like turning point, I think, in in my my thinking about life in general. Actually I was like what if people at the gym judge me because I'm doing it wrong or they think I'm lifting like too light of weights or any number of things they could judge me for? And then I was like hairs like number one they're not paying attention to me because they don't care. Number two, you know, like I look to the left and there's a woman lifting way more than me and I look to the right and there's a woman lifting way less than me and like who cares? And if someone does care, then that says more about them than me and so I just don't care.
Speaker 2:But this is like a pattern I had in my life for so many different types of things, like I'm scared to go to the bike shop because I don't want the dudes there to judge me that I don't know anything about bikes or I'm scared. And I feel like when I finally realized it, just like those things I just said about weightlifting, I was like man, this is so silly. Like what am I doing? Who?
Speaker 1:cares. So freeing, so freeing to shed yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so once I got past that, I think I was like okay, this is great, I love it. I think my favorite thing about it, to answer your question, is, I do love that it's outside, like that which has nothing to do with weightlifting but and everything to do with the gym. But I like two things. So I like in the moment it makes me feel like powerful, which I really like. And then I really like that I can tell like in my day to day like functional movements. You know, it's like great to be like, oh, I just squatted a PR or whatever, but like the real benefit for me is to be like wow, I can like stand up from the floor with one leg and it just doesn't like it feels so easy. And I can like carry my son and I could do this and all these like functional movements. Um, that don't that just feel like easy and comfortable. Um, that's what I, what I really want.
Speaker 1:no, it's interesting, there is definitely a life like a lot like my wife. For a long time, I think she equated like working out, like you have to be, because I'm always training for something. So she was like, well, if I'm going to work out, it has to be to train. But she doesn't do races. So she's like, well, I'm not going to do a race. And for a long time I was like it's not, that's what I do, but that's just one reason. There's life, fitness, right. And like she's a teacher. She's on her feet all day and she's walking around. I was like you're working out just to get through your day easier. You're less tired, you're less drained because you just have more energy and strength.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't until probably a little less than a year ago, she worked with like a life coach and they integrated. There were some diet changes, but they integrated, they integrated. There were some diet changes, but they integrated like more, not like heavyweights, but it was like kettlebell and like dumbbell stuff. But after three months of doing it she noticed a difference and then she was like oh, I just like it's Friday. I've worked all week but I just don't feel completely drained.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm like, this is what I've been. This is like what. I've been talking about Like just working out, so that you can just get through life easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's missed sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it makes a huge, huge difference. And then I think for me, like on top of that, I'm someone who loves to just be active in general whether it's like running or hiking or walking all over the place and just to feel like I hate the idea of feeling like I can't do, and not like I'm trying to do anything extreme, but like I don't like the idea of feeling that I can't do something because my body is the limitation, and so it's just nice to have that be like I got it nice.
Speaker 1:Are you gonna do another triathlon?
Speaker 2:I don't know that's, my bike is like rusty in our garage, um, and I think, you know, maybe at some point I would do another marathon before that, I think, just because I actually love running. I didn't at first, which is actually why I started doing triathlons, because I had like done a marathon. I was like, oh, I didn't really like that, but I liked the training and the challenge. But now I grew to really love running and love running and it's just so much easier logistically to really love running, and so I love running and it's just so much easier logistically. I think. Even you know, I did triathlons for a few years when I was living in DC right after college, and I was able to be like my whole life and thought process revolves around like, how do I go biking in the morning and swimming at night and running like 18 workouts a week and eating 70 meals a day because I'm so hungry, um, and so I think I probably just need to be at like a different.
Speaker 1:It feels impossible to think about in this phase of life, but maybe well, yeah, with your kids at the age of your kids, because it is fun what about you?
Speaker 2:because I know you've done triathlons. You also do just like running races as well, or?
Speaker 1:so I did. I started out doing running races. I did a couple half marathons, I did a full marathon. Um, like you, I got bored just pounding out miles. Um, wanted a new challenge, did tries for about five years, got tired of kind of what you're talking about, just like around the clock, like how to go, how do I get to the pool, and feeling tired all the time and eating and biking. It's like it's. It's very logistically it's hard.
Speaker 1:Um so I kind of got my fill of that. I took some time off um recently found obstacle course racing, so I've done a couple of the. Spartan races, which is really fun, Cause I'm not. I don't like weights and strength work, but the obstacle course races, it forces me to do that.
Speaker 1:I have to. So I like that. And then, interestingly enough, um, so I did the spartan super about three weeks ago in michigan and it went. It was fine. But for some reason I don't know why but it like rekindled a love to run again which I didn't think would happen, which I didn't think would happen. So I'm doing a half marathon in september and I'm doing a full marathon in november oh man which I have, which I would have told you if you'd said that like three months ago I'd be like there's no way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I don't know it's. Maybe it's cause I haven't done it in so long, it's cause it's been 11 years since I've done like just a, just a straight running race, but yeah, I don't know, I'm really enjoying like the training plan and like the miles and tracking it and all this stuff. So I don't know, we'll see how long it lasts, but yeah it's good. It's good for my brain.
Speaker 2:I feel like running is like that in any of these things. I mean, it's the pattern you're describing is you do something for a while it's awesome, and then it's it's too much or it's becomes boring or whatever, and so it's just, you know, it's a matter of changing things up, or I think changing things up, or I think you know, even just thinking about what your wife said, I think sometimes, if you're always like training for something, it can start to feel like too much as well, and so it's just variety and novelty is nice yeah, for me it's always been like morning runs, when it's warm, like it was 72 degrees two mornings ago.
Speaker 1:I mean it was like a sauna, but I actually really like it. So like I think I it was like a sauna, but I actually really like it. So like I think I ran only ran three miles, but I tried to run a little more aggressive pace and I was just drenched in sweat, like it just feels great, like I just it's like I don't know if I I think I might feel more alive like after that than almost anything that I do, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what I love about running, it's just like so I mean you could definitely feel like your worst moments as well, but I feel like some of the best moments. If you're running outside, you're like pushing yourself. It just feels.
Speaker 1:Heart rates up, blood's pumping, sweating, like you. Just I don't know. It feels like all the engines are firing. Well, this has been awesome. So grateful you took the time to tell your story. I appreciate you so much. Any final thoughts to kind of wrap things up and then let people know that are listening, you know, if they want to learn more about, like what you do, how to find you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no final thoughts. I think we covered a lot of ground, so thank you for all the great questions and the fun conversation. Um, in terms of learning more about what I do, um, I think you I can't remember what you mentioned or not, but I'm a career and life coach for um, career driven moms who want to make work work for the life they want to live. From listening to this conversation, I'm sure you can get a sense that a lot of that is based on what I wish I'd had and then, just from working with and speaking with a ton of working moms, just the different patterns I've seen as well, and so, if that sounds interesting to you, you can follow me on LinkedIn. I post a lot about that as Savedvention, and you can also. You can check me on LinkedIn. I post a lot about that as SaveAdvention, and you can also check out my website it's just laurenfischetticom, and so I'd love to chat. I'd love to connect with you on LinkedIn and if you want to chat more there's a link there to schedule a call Awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, you're doing great work and I love that. You're taking, you know, your lived experience and now you know, paying it forward, you know, trying to help others that might be experiencing similar things. So I think it's great, thank you. Thank you so much, lauren.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, david.