The Real You
1:1 Long-Form Interviews with Interesting People Doing Amazing Things
In-depth discussion of people's journeys to tap into their full potential and find ways to be the truest version of themselves.
The Real You
EP 32: Embrace Accountability: Moriah Bacus on Transforming Ambitions & Building Community
What if embracing accountability could transform your ambitions into reality?
Join me, David Young, alongside Moriah Bacus, an expert accountability coach and project manager, as we explore how her unique methods empower coaches and consultants to turn lofty visions into tangible outcomes.
Moriah's story is one of transformation, from event management to helping others thrive in a post-COVID world. Learn about her commitment to a vegan and alcohol-free lifestyle, and how these choices have fueled her productivity and ability to foster meaningful connections in the city of Toronto.
We also navigate the complex journey of breaking bad habits and overcoming addiction, sharing personal insights into the power of public accountability and the psychological tools available to help you stay on track.
Whether it's quitting alcohol or transitioning to a plant-based diet, Moriah and I discuss the positive ripple effects these lifestyle shifts can have on health, finances, and social circles.
Discover the societal shifts towards acceptance of diverse lifestyle choices and how visibility and community support can lead you through transformative life changes.
Our conversation doesn't stop there. From mastering social media strategies for business growth to the intriguing concept of body doubling, we provide actionable advice for enhancing productivity and building a focused audience.
Explore how community and mindset play crucial roles in personal and professional development, and how virtual co-working sessions can provide an introvert-friendly way to stay motivated.
Moriah's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/moriahbacus/
Moriah's Website: https://vibehighhere.com/
David's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-young-mba-indy/
David's Website: https://davidjyoung.me/
Welcome to the Real you Podcast. This is episode number 32. I'm David Young, your host. I'm a LinkedIn content and business coach. I help coaches with less than 3,000 followers grow their businesses through better storytelling and content creation. I launched this podcast in March of 2024, smiling at interesting people doing amazing things. Today, I'm joined by Mariah Backus, an accountability coach, project manager and fractional chief of staff. We'll discuss accountability and the unique ways Mariah and her clients leverage it to address common coach challenges, meet their goals, her productivity recommendations, how she uses social media, and her vegan and alcohol-free lifestyle. So, Mariah, thanks for coming on the show today. Good to see you.
Speaker 2:Thank you for inviting me, David. I'm really looking forward to our conversation today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so. You're in Toronto. Are you from Toronto? Are you born and raised?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. You're in Toronto. Are you from Toronto? Are you born and raised? Yeah, just outside of Toronto, in one of the suburbs, but yeah, gta General, greater Toronto Area. I've been here all my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, nice. So I got to visit there last summer. I was there for a few days and I have so many connections in Toronto. My wife gives me such a hard time. She was like let me get somebody else from Toronto. I'm like, well, yes, there's other people in the world too. She was like, yeah, but everybody you talk to and interact with they're all from Toronto.
Speaker 2:She was like I think that's it and you might be visiting Toronto again soon, I hope.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm in the process. I bought one of those. Have you ever done like a yearly calendar where you look at the whole year at once? So I bought one of those. I did it a few years ago and it was okay, so I thought I'd try it again this year. Anyway, it's in my office hanging up. You can't see it behind me, it's hidden by the divider. But I'm in the process of looking at the year and trying to figure it out. But yeah, I would definitely like to get back at least twice. I know Rob's thing is in October. Yeah, he's looking to expand it, I think, because it was one day last year and I think he's talked about maybe doing two days this year.
Speaker 2:He's committed to two days this year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay so locked in, so I would like to definitely get back for that. I tried to get up this year, it's just the logistics didn't work. But I'd like to do another trip, probably I don't know spring, early summer again, because I've met so many more people from when I was there. So it'll be like a wholeher group of people to try to organize itineraries and schedules and stuff.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's great and we need to meet in person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, Exactly yeah. So looking forward to that and it was a great, reminded me a lot of Chicago, but I really enjoyed, enjoyed my few days there, yeah, yeah. So just kind of talk about, can we start with like your background, like you know, kind of like what, what you do now and how you got you know kind of into doing them.
Speaker 2:Cool, okay, so right now I have a fun, multifaceted role. It's a combination of project management and accountability coaching. I support coaches and consultants. I help them take their big dreams, their big visions and actually put them into a realistic, sustainable, achievable plan. And we work inside project management tools. So that involves just flushing things out milestones, due dates and then meeting with them regularly sometimes four days a week, sometimes once a week, sometimes once every two weeks whatever that person needs to help hold them accountable and stay on track towards their daily goals. And I'm not just supporting people professionally, but I'm also able to support them personally.
Speaker 2:So personal habits like exercising regularly or waking up at an earlier time, things like that, and how I got to this point I'll try to keep it brief, but a lot of my background was in admin and then, later on, event management. I was in events for about 10 years, full-time as well as part-time on the side, and I was just at the point experiencing a lot of burnout. So I transitioned into HR and I was in a director role at an events and association management agency. So HR was new for me, but events and association work wasn't, because I had all this experience and events and like 11 volunteer roles on association boards. So it was a great fit for me that way. But unfortunately, covid hit a year later and more than half of their business was gone. So they had a big restructuring, as many other events companies did, and I was laid off. So I found myself in this position where, okay, I've got one year of HR experience, a director title, applying for jobs. No one knew what to do with me, thought I wanted a whole lot of money or whatever else, just like hire me. I just want something right.
Speaker 2:So this went on for about seven or eight months and then the career coaches started vulturing around telling me my LinkedIn profile sucked and I needed to hire them. And I started to get nervous because I was burning through savings after all this time and I really just wanted to start working again and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know, like, if I should hire someone and I thought of Rob Gilbert, and the reason I thought of him is he and I were connected from way back in the day. He used to be a DJ, as I'm sure you know, and I was a former club promoter part time, yeah, and so.
Speaker 2:But as he had transitioned to HR. He had a 13 year career in HR. He left that and started a coaching business. I had been following him on LinkedIn for about a year, watching his starting his coaching business and how that was taking off. I knew he was working with new coaches and I thought, okay, maybe I could get some time with Rob. He can give me advice on how to hire a career coach, or maybe he's working with a new career coach where they're going to be affordable for me and I can hire them. So I asked him for a call. I offered to pay him for his time and he's like don't worry about it, just get on the call with me 10 minutes into that call he
Speaker 2:identified an opportunity and asked if I had ever considered coaching. And how that came up is. He knew that I had broken a lot of bad habits in my past and started a lot of new healthy habits, and I had done so in a way that just kind of came naturally to me. Like before I met Rob, I never read Atomic Habits, right, or any of those other books around that, but it was just things that I figured out how to do intuitively and he thought there might be an opportunity for me to help other people with that. And there was a really great opportunity around that time because we connected, let's say, in November. I started working with him in January of 2021.
Speaker 2:And this is when a whole bunch of people that I was connected with so a lot of people in the music industry as well as the events industries were at home and, unfortunately, picking up a lot of bad habits. You know, folks were just drinking more than they would like, eating more than they were like, et cetera, et cetera, and so that was a great opportunity for me to, you know, start working with people. So I developed like an eight week program, which some people did in 16 weeks, and I helped a bunch of people break habits and build new habits, and then what started happening was they just started asking me for help getting organized. Like I laugh every time I tell this story, I had clients who were still using paper calendars on their desk in 2021 and wondering why they were getting double booked.
Speaker 2:I'm like, let's get you onto Google calendar or something right so started doing stuff like that for them. So it was interesting. And then more and more of that came up. And then Rob actually asked me to project manage his book Die Before they Do. So. We started working together in May 2021. And that's when I just started working with more coaches and consultants and I thought let me shelve the habits coaching business, let me rebrand. And that's when Vibe High VA, the previous version of the business I have now evolved and it was like basically helping coaches and consultants get shit done in their businesses. So we were doing creative projects and admin projects and oh wow, there was like at least 12 clients on the go at any time and eight freelance team members. And here I was like burnt out all over again.
Speaker 2:So it was like let's scale this back and you know, really focus on helping coaches and clients in this specific way that I do now. So now it's been about two years with this current version of the business and I think I've landed in the sweet spot of where I'm really able to provide value. But I'm also enjoying the work, because this is the kind of stuff I just love to do. I love nerding out on project management and getting things done.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Yeah, that's a really well. I mean, it's a fascinating journey, but it shows you the power of LinkedIn, because you wouldn't have connected with Rob had you not, had he not been on there talking about what he was doing by making that switch, and if you hadn't been on there following right. So that's kind of really the beauty of the platform.
Speaker 2:It is. And I'll say something else. When I got on that call with him and he brought up that opportunity, I got off and I already had made up my mind that evening that I was going to work with him before we even had our second call. And that's because we had developed this parasocial relationship where I had developed it with him, he had developed it with me. Like I felt like as soon as I got on the call with him I felt like I knew him already because I'd been seeing him showing up on video for the past 12 months.
Speaker 2:So the next day it was just like take my money and that was it, right. So, yeah, linkedin is super powerful for that and definitely showing up on video is huge for that reason. Right, really gives people an opportunity to get to know you and start to feel like they can trust you, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes me want to do more video content.
Speaker 2:Me too. I know it's hard for introverts, right, but slowly but surely, with practice and doing things like being on podcasts is a really great way to kind of cross over that barrier, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. Yeah, because Rob does a lot of videos. He's an animated guy, like he's. That's kind of his thing. So I think it fits his persona and his personality pretty well. Yeah, but you know, I think even without that, even just writing and just putting yourself out there consistently, and people are even reading your story, hearing your story. That's what, like you said, it builds trust, it builds authority. And you do feel like you get to know people like pretty well, because you're like oh, I've read a hundred of their posts or whatever, and I've seen pictures of their dog or their kids or travel or whatever they're into. And so then, yeah, you start to build that relationship, which is why you know it doesn't have to be five or seven days a week, but even just two or three times a week, but consistently, week after week. And then you know that's where you start to see progress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't always have to be about the thing you do. It can be you know about you as a person, about what your interests are, your hobbies and things like that, and I love seeing those kind of posts Like anytime I see like a 10 things you don't know about me. I just love it so much because you get to know people that way. And when it comes to alignment, I think it is kind of important to know about someone a bit personally in terms of, like what's important to them and their values and things like that. Right, yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, like what's important to them and their values and things like that.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, I mean that's. I agree. I love those posts too, the about me posts. I don't think I think more people should do them. I've done like a couple. I probably could do more. I think we forget that. Not that many people are seeing our content, so we don't do them that often, but a lot of people aren't, or they don't remember, so there's really no reason not to do it with a little more, you know, frequency, I agree. So, yeah, good, good reminder now.
Speaker 2:So that kind of leads me to.
Speaker 1:I know rob quit quit drinking quite a while ago and you've talked about, you know, being alcohol free and also vegan. I don't know if rob's vegan, but not yet okay, you're trying to, you're trying to just being a good example yeah, so if you want to talk like a little bit about that while we're kind of here, like what, what led you to those decisions? How long have you done it? What have you noticed in different you know that kind of talk about that.
Speaker 2:Thanks for asking. Yeah, I mean, I'll be fully transparent. Lots of bad habits in my past drugs, cigarettes, that sort of thing. I think the key is just dealing with things one thing at a time.
Speaker 2:When we're working to get rid of bad habits or overhaul, I think we often have this like black and white approach, where it's like I got to do all the things all at once and, like you know, beginning of the year when we're recording this is a really great example of everyone with their unrealistic New Year's resolutions and things like that.
Speaker 2:So I slowly chipped away and dealt with things one thing at a time. It got to the point for me where I was too old to be putting myself in dangerous situations that alcohol caused just maybe unsafe things like that, and I would find that I would say things that I would regret, do things that I would regret, and it got to the point that there were literally no pros and only cons. There just wasn't any good reason to continue. And I one day, after drinking with a friend the next day, was like okay, I just I don't want to say rock bottom because it's not like it was out on the streets and that sort of thing Right, but it was my like I've had enough and I want better for myself now.
Speaker 2:And I had also been on this wellness journey. So it was kind of like the next progression in my journey, right, Dealing with the legal drug of alcohol, right, the one that's socially accepted, it's normalized. People question when you don't drink and how I went about doing that is I just started telling the people that were important to me like this is a decision I've made. Of course, I'm surrounded by great people, so everyone understood and respected and never questioned and never pressured, and I bought lots of Perrier like sparkling water was like my kick after that and I made sure to post my milestones.
Speaker 2:And I think this idea of sharing your progress publicly might be something we touch on throughout this conversation, because it's been such a powerful tool for me. I'll counter it by saying it's a tool that a lot of people are afraid to use, because what if something happens? And what if I make a mistake or what if I slip up? And now people will know that I fell off the bandwagon, but that's okay. So I went and I, a few weeks after I had made the decision, I posted about hey, it's been a couple of weeks and this is how I'm feeling. And then I posted my three months and my six month and my year milestone and at two years I posted it and three years again, and it's getting to the point that I'm over it. However, I want to keep posting about it because I want to show people that there's other options out there and I think by talking about it we reduce the stigma. It makes it a lot easier for people who are considering cutting back or quitting to reach out and get support, so I want to make sure that I'm visible and available for anyone that has questions around that.
Speaker 2:In terms of the health benefits, well, obviously I haven't experienced a hangover since then Like huge what I would find, like I was a big brunch mimosa girly and like any plans I had for later in the day were just shot to shit, because after you get a couple drinks in you and then you stop whatever, you just feel gross afterwards and so then I would lose any motivation I had, so that affected timelines, getting things. Maybe I might have to cancel plans with friends, so all of that stress and drama that I brought upon myself completely gone after I made that change and so obviously you're saving money and then obviously it's great for you physically. I got a lot of compliments on how good I looked and things like that. I thought that was a pretty powerful shift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure A big change to make at that time, until I went vegan. I always joke that like going alcohol free was just such a tiny warm up, because when you make a choice like not eating animals anymore, that's when people really start to, because it presents some cognitive dissonance.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think it's projected on the person who's made a change right, 100%.
Speaker 1:I had a recent guest on who also has not had alcohol for I think about three, a little over three years, yeah, and one of the things that she had mentioned she did and she quit, basically cold turkey, like on her own, you know no help or anything, but she had a really good idea.
Speaker 1:Like on her own, you know no help or anything, but she had a really good idea. She was. I can't remember. She said she was writing it like in a in a journal or she was tracking it, but she was looking at the number, like literally one, two, three, like counting the days, yeah, and she got to like I don't know, day 75 or 80 or something. And then she it was so visible because she was keeping track that when she had that urge to drink she couldn't stand the thought of going back to one or zero, and so that was the motivator. She was like I have to go to 86 or 87 or whatever the number was, and I thought that was really interesting and you could apply that obviously to anything you were trying to change.
Speaker 1:But I thought that was a great psychological tip because you know, especially something you've done for a while, it's very hard to just stop doing it. Uh, and it's addictive, right, just like nicotine, yeah, and. But I thought that was really cool, like little tip that she used when the pool was the hardest. So, yeah, no, I applaud you for that. The no hangovers is yeah, it's uh, it's a totally different feeling.
Speaker 2:It really is Like the interesting thing is going out. Dancing is like my biggest hobby. I try to as much as I can, but, as you can imagine, in nightclubs everyone's drinking and doing other things as well, so I still want to be able to go and enjoy myself. So that was a bit of an interesting adjustment, because you know, as soon as it hits midnight, everyone's totally wasted and spitting on your face talking to you, right? So it's been an adjustment. However, more and more of the people in my orbit are starting to make that choice and that decision. So when I go out with friends, oftentimes there's a few of us that aren't even drinking at all, and that's and that's good. So more and more people are making this shift and I love this idea of the person you spoke with doing habit tracking Huge, not breaking the streak, right. So you can do that for things that you're trying to do, but also for things that you're trying not to do. So what she was doing is counting the days she didn't do the habit right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's super powerful, yeah, super cool. I think we talked about it a little bit on that episode too, but it is becoming more prevalent. I think there's a big shift. I hear about people having mocktail parties. There's a lot more availability, totally different or completely improved selection of non-alcoholic beers and wines, and even non-alcoholic bourbon, which I didn't even know existed. So I think it used to just be like O'Doul's. I feel like it was just like O'Doul's and nothing else.
Speaker 1:It's the only thing I can ever remember, when I was in that part of life, that if you wanted alcohol, without alcohol, I would do what I feel like was your only choice, whereas now there's a lot of pretty big beer makers that make a non-alcoholic version, which I think is good marketing. But it's just good for people where you don't feel quite as left out if you go to a party or whatever.
Speaker 2:You want to hold something that looks like a drink, so people don't bug you party or like whatever.
Speaker 1:You want to hold something that looks like a drink so people don't bug you. Essentially, yeah, one of the things she she said she did soda water with a lime yeah and then nope, and then nobody, really ever yeah, there's great wine proxies too like that apparently like.
Speaker 2:I've seen some blind taste tests and people chose the taste of the proxy over the real wine, believe me not yeah we can always do like white grape, like white grape juice or white grapefruit juice or whatever it looks.
Speaker 1:If you pour it in a wine glass like nope, I mean it's not like anybody's gonna come up and like, just you know drink it or smell it.
Speaker 2:So and you know there's a few coaches who are helping people live alcohol free. I'll shout out coach courtney peters helping people live alcohol free, which is really cool. So there's resources out, people who can help, right.
Speaker 1:For sure. So the vegan part is interesting. So I did that for a year Did you. About 10 years ago, so it was the summer of 2015. And I was not in a great place in my life. And I came across Rich Roll. Do you know who Rich Roll?
Speaker 2:is.
Speaker 1:So I came across. I saw him in a magazine. It was like a vegan-friendly magazine. He'd written an article. That's the first time I saw him. I ended up buying his book, Finding Ultra, read the book, which is all about the ultra marathons, him finding changing his whole, overhauling his whole life and going plant-based and obviously started the podcast. So that kind of intrigued me. And then never done triathlons before. I'd done some running races but I was thinking of getting a triathlon. So I thought, well, there's these ultra endurance athletes that are eating this way. If they can do it, I'm never going to get to anything that level, so I'll give it a try. Then I made my wife watch one of the documentaries on Netflix I don't remember which one and then she got really mad at me. She's like I can't believe you made me watch that, and so so we did it for a year. She went back to like just more like vegetarian pretty quickly, but I was pretty hardcore for almost a year and then it was just too difficult.
Speaker 1:Our kids were young at the time we ended up having like two dinners and so hard to go out to eat. Back then it was it's gotten better now, but like it was really hard to find meals at restaurants, yeah. So I kind of after the year was like all right, so I went back to vegetarian and we did that for about eight years, but I had been really sick. I had gotten sick a lot in that time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so finally, it's about a little over a year ago. I was working with a health coach and he was like I can't prove it and there's no test. I it's, it's the chemistry. I just don't think you're getting enough nutrients with what you're eating, which is why you're getting sick. He was like you know again, I can't really prove it, but it's just like my opinion. So it was about February of last year, so we're approaching a year we did go back to eating Uh, we do go back to eating meat, but um, but no, I applaud it. It's very difficult. It's gotten better because again, it's a little bit more accepted. There are a lot more options, there are a lot more restaurants that cater to it, yes, or just completely vegan restaurants and stuff which is relatively new. So it certainly is getting easier, but I think it is still a challenge for a lot of people because, just as society, we were just kind of taught and raised that we eat hamburgers and chicken and pork.
Speaker 2:And that's just what we do 100%, it's conditioning. It's actually an invisible belief system. So I compare it to me being born into a religion I was born into, you know, and it's the same thing. So, specifically, carnism is this invisible belief system that it's just okay to eat other animals we're animals too.
Speaker 2:And then speciesism, which is an interesting one, which is the why we don't eat dogs but we eat cows. They're so similar and it's just how society has programmed us. But I'm a big, firm believer in bucking societal trends and not doing what people want me to do, right, and that for me it's so similar to your wife. I watched a documentary, but how it happened is again part of my wellness journey. I went down a rabbit hole with some YouTube videos. I was just like, why are people talking about oils so much? Let me just find some stuff to look at. And as I was looking at it and the videos about meat were popping up and one of one of the reasons that I also quit alcohol was because it's a carcinogen, same with cigarettes and all that, as is meat. So it just from a health.
Speaker 2:I went into this first for the health perspective and I thought, well, again now that I know this now and I knew already, but the reminder, now that I've seen it, I can't unsee it. And it made me make that decision. And of course, it was just a whole weekend of the rabbit hole, of all of the other documentaries and when I started to see what was the truth behind how animals are treated and just factory farming in general. Animals are bred into existence to be eaten. It was just something I couldn't go forward with, so it was an overnight decision.
Speaker 2:I had purchased a whole bunch of groceries right before this, so I went through and I did an inventory and I put on a spreadsheet all of the things that I didn't want to eat anymore and I sent it to my friend and I said buy this food off me. She was like okay, and so she did, and so I got to clear out. It's definitely it was a huge learning for me and a process that I actually enjoyed, because it allowed me to go a lot deeper into just nutrition as a whole. And you know, it's funny because non-vegans will say well, where?
Speaker 2:do you get your protein and where do you get your calcium?
Speaker 2:And I can counter it by saying do you even know how much protein or calcium you get? Like, people don't usually track that kind of stuff Most people but it put me in a position where now I'm tracking, now I have to pay attention, and so even things that I should have been doing before, like taking a vitamin D supplement because I'm in Canada, there's like not a lot of sun in the winter I wasn't doing, so things that I did in tandem with making this change just were a huge improvement mental health and that sort of thing. So there was a lot of learning to be done. At first I was like what do I make for breakfast? Because I used to be a big egg burrito girl. Right, I posted about it. You know, batch prep your breakfast burritos and it's like well, what do I do now? When I landed on smoothies, that's when everything changed for me. It opened up a whole new world.
Speaker 2:But it takes some work, it takes some planning, but a lot of the things that people will tell you are just simply not true. You don't need to buy pre-processed vegan food. That costs a lot more. You can do beans and rice and guess what? That's a complete amino acid, right, and so things like that. It can actually be quite affordable. You can save some money on your bills, right? So and that sort of thing. So, yes, I've seen that I detox from cheese, which is probably another reason it's hard for people and people laugh at that. But the protein, casein, that's broken down, this is actually an addictive substance. So when you hear people like, oh, but I can't give up cheese, it's literally because we are addicted to cheese.
Speaker 2:It was really good Right and that was hard and because of my past experience with coming off drugs, I know what that feels like. So I have a leg to stand on here and guess what? Day five and day six was rough. I'm like what is happening and I realized I'm with, I'm in withdrawals from cheese. Once I got past that, it was fine. And again there's so many great products.
Speaker 2:Now you can't expect all of the vegan products to taste just like the non-vegan products, but after a while your taste buds adjust and you get used to it. And now my diet has so much more variety than it ever did. Like. I never cooked with tofu before, I didn't know how, and now I'm like all the time because it's so versatile. So it's taught me a lot. I've learned a lot more about nutrition, I'm taking care of myself a lot better and it's opened up a wider variety of foods in my diet, which, as you know, is great for our gut microbiome right, having that good variety.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it hasn't been easy, but I have gone through most of life's important events now. So I attended a wedding, christmas, I celebrated my birthday, so it is possible, but it takes some effort. And now, shortly after I started, my motivation and my reasons shifted and the number one reason became about the animals. And I'll share why. If I make this about my health, just like with exercise, I might get lazy or something and then I might fall off it, because it's just about me. But because I've made it about this external source and that'll never change what's happening to them. That's what's made my resolve so firm. So it's for the animals, it's for the environment and it's for my health. And because I've made that the primary reason, I won't waver, just knowing me, because what's happening to them will never change. Yeah, that's where I'm at with that right now.
Speaker 1:Awesome. No, yeah, I applaud that. I will still eat tofu. I still drink Ripple milk, if you're familiar with that product.
Speaker 2:Is it like an oat milk or?
Speaker 1:it's a pea. It's a pea based oh cool yeah, based milk yeah, I still have that some mornings most of the I'll eat some frozen meals for lunch. Almost all. I still buy almost all of the plant-based version of those. I got used to eating those and I like them better than anything else. So, yeah, so I still I didn't like completely give it up, but mostly it's just like dinners like we. Just we added back you know it's a lot of chicken, just because it's easier for us to make and our schedules are really busy and whatnot.
Speaker 2:With kids, little kids too. You were mentioning about having to make two different meals. I think with kids it's easier to, just from when they're born, start that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they don't get used to it. Yes, way, yeah, they don't get used to it. Yes, but once, like my youngest, because he was kind of born. He was born in late 13, so he was still pretty young when we switched. For a while he had not had like any of the traditional, you know, meats and I remember the first, the first time we had I don't know if it was pork or steak and he was just like you guys have been holding. We could have been having this the whole time.
Speaker 1:I've lost eight years of being able to eat this like I was like, well, you appreciate it more now. So, yeah, um, that was, that was fun, yeah, but yeah. So, yeah, you're probably like the healthiest person I'll ever have on the show no animal products and no alcohol. So I don't know if you, you can be top, true, but no, it's good. I applaud you for doing it's not easy. I mean, I'm sure you probably still get, you know, either foot pushback or made fun of or something, not necessarily by the people that know you, but like from other outsiders, because, again, it's, it is pretty still, you know, non-traditional um, okay, uh, looks fine on my end, but we can, yeah, we can try that, if you want.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to do a quick thing here. Yes, so you asked me about if people have been bugging me or teasing me about going vegan, so I don't post about it a lot. I did in the beginning when I was feeling, you know, especially sort of excited about it, and I'm doing that for a reason because I feel like arguing with people in the comments is not the best use of my time and they're really not there to learn.
Speaker 2:They are there to just pick a fight and lash out. So I have just decided to again like lead by example and focus on doing what I'm doing and being available as a resource for people. So if people have questions, they can ask me about it and I might start talking about it. You'll see me post about it on Earth Day usually, and maybe around the anniversary of when I went vegan, which is, you know, april 10th.
Speaker 1:Of 24?
Speaker 2:23.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll be coming up on two years in.
Speaker 2:April yeah.
Speaker 1:Got it Okay. No, I think it's really cool, so we'll move on from that. Other social media do you use? Obviously, we talked about LinkedIn a little bit. You're active there. Do you use Instagram, facebook, tiktok, anything else to put your message out there, or is it pretty much solely LinkedIn?
Speaker 2:I'm on Instagram, but only primarily because of my clients, where it's their primary platform. So also, sometimes there might be someone that I'm interested in working with but they're not as active on LinkedIn because Instagram is their primary platform. So I want to be able to support their content. So that's where I'm at. So I tend to just bring over anything that I'm posting on LinkedIn and repurpose it on Instagram, but it's not my main platform. I just try to focus on LinkedIn.
Speaker 2:I'm on Facebook, but it's just for personal. I did have a Facebook group at some point when I was doing the habits and account was the habits coaching, and that's because there were so many people from the events world as well as music that were in Facebook with me. So it made sense to have the group, but once I switched over I shut that down. So just LinkedIn. I might might think about bringing back YouTube at some point. I work with a longtime friend of mine, sasha, aka DJ Sashi, and we put together these hour and a half long mixed sets of music for focus and inspiration, and for now they're being shared on my SoundCloud account. However, we're seeing an opportunity to have those sets up on YouTube with a bit of a graphic so people can kind of stream them there, because people often go to YouTube for that sort of thing like focus, music and whatnot. So I might expand and bring back the YouTube and then be able to share, you know, interviews and things like that there as well. But for right now it's just primarily LinkedIn for me.
Speaker 1:Got it. Yeah, nice. I mean, you've got your foot in a couple of different doors and, like you said, it is good to know where your clients are. So if you have to be on another platform because that's where they are, then it's good to know that. Linkedin obviously is incredibly powerful. What you were talking about there with the music, you just shared a video, I think pretty recently Was that one of those collaborations?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the series is called Flow State of Mind. And the idea is, I've never liked listening to music with lyrics when I've been in deep work mode, because, especially when writing and I don't know if you feel the same if someone is singing in your ear, how can you be typing words?
Speaker 2:It's just, I don't know, like a conflicting input or something, and so and I really like progressive house, so I'm going to nerd out about this for a minute. It's a sub genre of house music and it's called progressive because it builds in a way that it allows your brain to anticipate what's coming next and that creates this really cool dopamine hit, uh. So I've always've always loved this kind of house music, and it also works well for focus and productivity when the lyrics are limited. And Sashi, this is one of the two styles that she specializes in. Her and I know each other from our events days. We actually first met on a boat cruise party, realized we were both working in the events industry. Then one day, when I decided to go back to school for a certificate, I come to class and she's in the class, ok. So we end up working on all of these projects together over the course of the couple of years and like acing all of them having great dinner parties while working on our work.
Speaker 2:We've always collaborated really well. Now we kind of just drifted apart. She had a kid, I was doing my own thing, but recently got back together and I don't even know how this came up, but it was like let's do this and we have four editions of it now. We started last spring, we're doing them seasonally and we're going to continue this year and I think it's been a really nice compliment even to the coworking club that I have.
Speaker 2:So during co-working calls, where everyone's focused on deep work, they can also be listening to Flow State of Mind, and right now we have six hours of continuous music between the four mixes and it's starting to grow and it's really exciting because I didn't know how it would all be received on LinkedIn. It's house music, it's electronica, it's kind of maybe not the norm, and now I have people commenting, oh, I was waiting for the next mix, or I always look forward to these. I'm like, oh, this is so cool. So, yeah, it's kind of a neat way to work on. Like collaboration is one of my core values, so it's a really neat way to be able to collaborate with someone I love and bring something that I'm passionate about to this audience that might not have otherwise been exposed to it. So, yeah, it's been a lot of fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's the first time I remember seeing. Maybe I saw the others and just didn't hold on to it, but the one you just did recently I thought was good and was it like? Was it the recap? Was it the 24 recap? I'm trying to think what the what it was.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure either. Oh, that is something different. So I was doing a vibe, high Q&A with the experts, essentially, and I've been interviewing coaches and consultants. Some are my clients, some are people in my orbit and the goal there I'm only doing one more of these interviews coming up in the new year and then we'll be doing a wrap on that, and that's just because I'm shifting direction.
Speaker 2:But that's been a really neat experience too because, just like this conversation that you and I are having, and anytime you're interviewing someone, it just really deepens the connection, allows you to get to know each other, and I think it oftentimes opens up opportunities to work together. And so I try to interview coaches and consultants that my audience would find value from learning from them, and the primary things we talk about is like what are your tips for starting, growing and being successful in a coaching business? And they have been so vulnerable and transparent and I think that's the greatest value talking about like mistakes they made, learnings they had along the way, and people again have been finding that really valuable too. So I've been experimenting with a lot last year in terms of like what I was doing with marketing and I mentioned.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of shelving that and that's because I'm moving towards email marketing.
Speaker 1:Well. But I think that that's the key and I think you know, talking about people starting out in business, I think experimenting is underrated and not talked about, because we're kind of taught to come up with an idea and then just do it and it might work, but it probably won't, because you don't know until you start doing. So I think we should embrace and encourage more experimenting and action taking and doing to try to figure things out, because it will continually shift and then you eventually will land in a spot that feels pretty good and then you can make some subtle tweaks here and there, but then you're kind of good. But I don't think a lot of people can just be like yep, this is my idea for business or coaching or whatever, and then that's it, because there's so much unknown and you can't think your way there and you won't really ever know until you actually do it. So I think more people should take that kind of.
Speaker 1:It's almost like thinking like an engineer right, you're trying to solve a problem. Well, engineers don't just come up with one solution and then that's it. Right, they're tinkering and working, and working backwards and forwards and just all these different experiments, and then they kind of figure out like, okay, this doesn't work, this kind of does, and then they kind of move from there. It's kind of that same, that same mindset, where you're constantly kind of tinkering because, like you said, your energy, like what you're drawn to, what feels good, what do you like doing? You can't figure that out in your head. No, you have to actually do it.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of something you and I have talked about before, and that's niching down. Not your favorite topic, I know, but it's a great example, because when we start our coaching businesses, it's like you must niche down, you must niche down. And then so many of us get in this panic like what's my niche? What's my niche? But it's kind of like a chicken and egg sort of thing where like and you're probably experiencing this too you're figuring out your niche as you go and sometimes it's a process of elimination. Well, I don't wanna do that, I don't wanna work with that kind of person and I don't think it's something a lot of people can just know off the bat. How is your journey with niching down going? What are your?
Speaker 1:thoughts on that. Yeah, it's a good. I mean, we could spend an hour just on niching alone. I think it's a good point you made, though, about also it works in finding out what you don't want to do, because you're often going into it like, well, this is what I want to do, which is that's also good, but eliminating what you don't want also, that's a good outcome. So if you're like that doesn't work for me, you scrap it and you don't do it anymore. That you know you're eliminating by you're adding by eliminating.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. I think that I think the advice to new, new, whatever it doesn't have to be coaching, whatever kind of business you're in, I think niching at first is very difficult, unless you just have a super specific background where you're like I've done this work and now this is just a branch of that, then maybe. But if you're coming into it and it's a relatively new venture for you, then I think you have to start broad and you take the hit because, yes, it will be a little bit harder to attract people because you don't really know what you're looking for and they don't really know they're looking for you and that's okay.
Speaker 1:But you will then, as you're working with them or as you're going, it will start to show itself.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I didn't really do it until less than two months ago, so it took me seven or eight months to finally just say I'm going to work with coaches with smaller followings and their main reason was because I still have a small following too, but comparatively it's bigger. So I'm farther ahead in the journey because I've done this now for 18 months and so someone that's like I'm three or four months in, I know so much more than them and so I can help them do it. So it just it made sense, but it wasn't, that was not obvious, like when I first kind of you know went down this path. So that definitely takes time. I am a believer now I don't know if I was for a while, but I do think it helps eventually because it just does. It clarifies the message for who you're talking to and it just makes it easier for clients to be like. That person is an option for me, but it does take a while.
Speaker 2:It does take a while. Yeah, I mean, and it's kind of a conundrum, right, because we want to speak to everyone, but if we speak to everyone it's often not landing with anyone and this takes some time to get our heads around that. If we speak to a specific kind of person, they're going to feel heard and seen, but we'll also be bringing in other people at the same time. We don't lose out on everyone just because we're speaking to a specific person.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, well, it's reverse psychology. Because you think I'll speak to the masses, I'll get more clients. It's the opposite I'll speak to one specific group, I'll get less clients, you get more. It works completely. 180 of what you think Because you're right, even if you are talking to one specific group other people that are adjacent, it think Because you're right, even if you are talking to one specific group other people that are adjacent, it's not like you're not excluding them and you can still help them and they can kind of figure that out. But yeah, it just takes practice and time execution.
Speaker 2:I really like what you discovered about how, basically, your clients are a previous version of you and this is not new news to us, but maybe this can be a bit of a shortcut for anyone out there who's like what is my niche? Maybe a starting point could be look at the year ago version of you and can you help that person. So maybe for whoever's listening that might be the starting point Just help an old version of you because you have experience, yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:And I remember hearing that kind of at the beginning. And for me, if you run the clock back the calendar back to 18 months ago, when I got started, I had no social media experience. I had no LinkedIn experience. I couldn't coach anyone on content or profile optimization or anything. I didn't know anything about it. So then it would have been like career coaching, because I'd hired three career coaches, I'd struggled in my career. Could I have done that? I mean probably.
Speaker 1:But then we never really got to that point and then we ended up moving to content. And then I kind of got in it. The niche again kind of created itself. And then now we know now we're all set. But yes, it is, that is definitely a good place to start. And then kind of think, like where were you really struggling? What would you have paid for, like if you to your the version of you two years ago, like what would you have paid to get you know, help with? And then you know that can be a good kind of entry point into if you have a project or service that you're thinking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree when your clients are like I know a lot of my clients come to me and like one of the biggest things they're struggling with is like exactly what you do. I'm really curious to hear what they say to you when they meet with you for the first time. I'm just kind of curious if we're hearing the same sort of thing.
Speaker 1:I would say most of what I hear is I don't know what to write about.
Speaker 1:I don't know when to write it, I don't know how to get clients, I don't know how to make my content align with my experience, that then someone can kind of see the connection between me, my background, my content and how I help, and then they then kind of struggle with the structure and organization of content and how to think long term about it. You can think about what I'm going to write tomorrow. Are you really thinking about it's January 8th? What is my 90-day plan for my content and what's the journey I want to take some on over these next three months or six months, it doesn't matter. So there's no long-term plan. It's really just like oh, tomorrow I'm going to write about this and then Friday, okay, oh, yeah, I'll write about this. Which is, you can do it that way, but it's very hard to grow your business that way because it's all over the place and people have a really hard time connecting you with the message. It's just like kind of random right. So it's really working with people on Like one of the first things I do is create.
Speaker 1:Usually it's like a 30-day. We usually do it in 30-day chunks. So I do like here's the next 30-day, here's 20 post ideas, so they don't have to take them. But I take a combination of what I know about them and their business. I put that together and I'm like here's at least a guide. So if you get stuck, write about this. If you have something else you want to talk about, like, go ahead. But at least that gives them like and it's. You know we can't. I don't want to get in the weeds of like content creation, but there's obviously different areas to talk about and you want to. You're painting that story and it's personal and it's expertise and it's value and all that stuff. But you're doing that in a way through storytelling that makes sense to your audience. But I find that people really struggle. It's not natural. It does not come naturally to most people that I've talked to no and that whole like preparing ahead of time.
Speaker 2:I always hear that like it doesn't really happen for me so much. I don't know why, but people complain about I write a post and it's not going to be posted for two weeks and by the time the posting date comes I don't feel like posting about it anymore. Like so what do you encourage people to do generally? Because and I know you tend to like things to post you tend to like to write your post kind of a little closer to your posting date, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I write the day before almost exclusively the day, the day or night before, and it's mostly written by feel. So it's just kind of what I feel. Now. I have a bunch of ideas though, so it's not like I just sit down and then like come up with something, like I kind of know what the post will be about, but the way it ends up coming out, you know my mood and what's going on. So there's some factors there.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, if you can write two weeks ahead of time or a month ahead of time, I mean that's great, it's certainly very efficient. I just I've tried it. I just can't do it. Like my brain just doesn't process content in a way that I can write something for next Wednesday or something. Yeah, but you can still put together like a rough outline and like, if you can see kind of what you want to talk about, you can obviously tweak it as you're going, you can change it. Things come up that you want to talk about, but at least that way you kind of know.
Speaker 1:Again, this really pertains to people that are running businesses. Like you're trying to sell a product or service, there is a way to create content that positions you as someone to do business with. That is much different than just like your general content pillars of a little bit about me and a little bit about my business and some case studies. There's more to it than that. So to be able to understand that and do that and I've seen it firsthand because I've created content one way and that did not move my business and now I created a different way and it does. So I can speak to the before and after. It does matter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that and I love how you're okay with there not being one right way to approach it.
Speaker 2:Like with so many things, there's differences to the way our brains work, the way we operate and, yeah, like you said, some people might be able to prepare a month out and other people are just like no, I need to be writing about what I'm actually feeling right now. I found a bit of a sweet spot in a combination of the two and what that looks like for me is like pre-writing some of this stuff. But then the part that I tend to do more on the spur of the moment might be when I'm sharing clips, such as like ones from conversations like this, where the week of I might look at the various clips we have and see does any of this align with something else I've just posted about or I'm about to post about? And then I'm able to like almost theme them out that way. So the clip posts I'll post that might be more spur of the moment as they align with stuff I pre-planned, and that's fun and keeps it fresh for me too.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, that's a great way to do it. And you're right, it is personal, everybody's different. Their schedules are different, their brains are different, their writing process is different. So, yeah, there is definitely not a one size fits all, but there is an overall strategy, content, way to move you forward in your business with messaging that I think a lot of people just don't. I think it's a combination of not knowing and then just not really understanding. So that's honestly why you hire someone that can help you do it, because you just save yourself so much. You're always paying with time or money and you just save yourself so much time to just have somebody be like this works.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yes, how much time we would all save if we just stayed in our zone of genius and delegated and outsourced. There's professionals like you to help.
Speaker 1:Exactly Talk about your. You mentioned a little bit ago but the work sessions, the body doubling I think you were the first person to explain body doubling to me. And then, yeah, just talk about how that works. I think that's a pretty fascinating kind of concept and the way you set that up.
Speaker 2:Like the science behind it.
Speaker 1:Well, just the science behind it. But then just like the group, like the working sessions, even just being on remotely but just having your computer up and seeing other people that are working on projects and stuff. It's just a pretty cool, pretty cool thing yeah it is really neat.
Speaker 2:I'm learning that. You know, often the coaching community is like the last to learn about things. I don't know why this strategy has been well known in the ADHD community for a really long time body doubling and I think, as far as I understand it actually started out. It was kind of discovered, coined by, I think, a psychologist who was supporting a client and discovered that this client did well when they had someone sitting next to them just even sitting next to them, and, better yet, doing a similar task, and so there's something about it. It's kind of like it helps anchor the person.
Speaker 2:The main person who has the body double also feels like a sense of responsibility. Person B has given their time, has committed to being here. I need to be respectful of that and keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing while they're here that sort of thing. It also serves as a reference group. So if we think about an example I'm going to reference atomic habits he talks about, like if you're trying to start a running habit that's relevant for you, join a running group because you're now creating, you're now going to be associating with a group of people that have the shared goal and who are living the same lifestyle. So that's what's called a reference group, right?
Speaker 2:So same thing happens in a coworking call where we're all body double A. It's like these people are all here focused on productivity and getting things done. I'm going to do that too, like we. We want to assimilate. It has to do with I think you know that safety and being part of the tribe, and there's also this mirror neuron thing that they talk about, which the example is like if you see someone else yawn, you just start to yawn. It's like you it's not conscious.
Speaker 2:So the same thing happens when we're watching someone else work away on their task. We just unconsciously feel that urge to do that as well. So there's a lot of really neat ways this works. And what's? I've heard two kind of comments come up about it oh, I don't need that because I can just do deep work on my own and I don't have a problem with it. Right? So that comes up. And then there's the people who they don't. But for the people who don't have a challenge with deep work, I will challenge that to say we all have something we procrastinate on. I even do. I'm not immune to this. What's my job? Like taxes is my thing. Look, I haven't said that publicly before, but taxes is my thing. So someone like me I'd want to join a weekly call, because that's me carving out time to do that thing that I always procrastinate on.
Speaker 2:I feel like I don't know if it was you or someone else who expressed this to me after joining a co-working call for the first time was that even the act of saying yes to joining the co-working call puts you in that frame of mind.
Speaker 2:I've committed to this appointment where I'm going to do this thing that I said I was going to do. So even that first step of committing. And then, of course, we get on the call. The beginning of the call we, either verbally or in the chat, you know, share what we're working on during the hour, and that's really fun because at the end there's that brief celebration of like okay, what did everyone get done? Let's celebrate you. And it's really really cool to be like I got the proposal done, I got the budget done, I got the offer done or whatever it is, and there's just so many things you can do during that time. I mean, as long as it's at a computer desk, like cleaning your office is not a great idea because it distracts people, but like as long as the kind of computer work, white work.
Speaker 2:It's a really great way to get things done and oftentimes people like whoa, where did the hour go?
Speaker 2:because you really just get into that groove. There's something about being watched, if you think about it. A lot of us come from a corporate background where we're used to being watched, and that's how we got things done. We used to have a boss looking over our shoulder. That's part of the reason I have this job.
Speaker 2:That I'm doing now is because there's so many of us out there who aren't used to just having our own schedule and doing what we want when we want, and there needs to be a little more structure. So tools like a co-working call or an accountability partnership, things like that really help kind of fill that gap when we're getting used to working on our own. It's not necessarily something we'll always need to have forever, but you do need to appoint some external factors influencing you, motivating you, until you build that intrinsic motivation. It's like with any habit. We often don't have that internal driver motivation to do it ourselves, but it becomes habitual after enough repetition. Sometimes at the beginning, though, we just need a little extra support, someone watching us, until we get that internal motivation. After that we're a way to the races, because now I'm the kind of person that does exercise, or gets my proposals done on time or gets my taxes done on time.
Speaker 1:No, I love it. The time that I joined I'd been putting off. I was trying a new CRM and I needed to input a bunch of data from my Excel sheet like into the program so I could start using it, and I just put it off. So I used that hour to get like a whole bunch of people entered.
Speaker 2:That's exactly how Carolyn spent the hour earlier today.
Speaker 2:She inputted all the data into her CRM and she'd been waiting weeks to do that's so funny, See. It's a great thing for that. So, yes, even if you are someone that's like fiercely independent, I can do deep work on my own. There's the chipping away at something you've been procrastinating on. But another huge challenge that a lot of independent solopreneurs face is a lack of community. So now we're also creating community. Same group of people, our co-working buddies, right, that we're going to see every week on this call, and even my team member, Emily. You know I invited her to join because she doesn't have a community, right, she doesn't have co-workers or whatever the case is. So I said come to this call. And it's been great, because she loves being a part of this group of people who are doing things and it helps kind of give that structure to your day as well having that appointment to show up for.
Speaker 1:So I think there's a lot of benefits to it.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you know loneliness is a big problem for solopreneurs, totally. You know we spend a lot of time you know most of us, I think in our homes or residences and home offices or whatever. And obviously you can go to coffee shops and whatnot, but you're still spending a lot of time just like by yourself or not with a group of people. And if you do come from that corporate environment, even if you didn't like the corporate environment, there is the social aspect and you usually had friends and people to talk to and you talk about your weekend and whatever and you kind of lose that. So I think even just having it and I know you guys don't do a lot of talking on those calls, but just have people that you're around like you're just feeling other energy besides just an empty room or whatever. So I think even that has benefits, because you want to feel a part of something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you mentioned the coffee shop scenario because a lot of people use that. It is essentially that same feeling. I don't do that and that's because I don't like to leave my house. I know people who do do it and they swear by coffee shops as the only place they can get work done. And why is that? There's a bit of a hum of activity going around and they also see other people on their laptops. The same thing is happening in that coffee shop. That's happening on the co-working calls, except maybe our co-working calls are more introvert, friendly, because you don't need to leave your house yeah, no, that I mean it's.
Speaker 1:I hadn't thought of it, but that's, that's a, that's a perfect, I mean it's a perfect. Uh, comparison and analogy. I had a goal that I was going to start leaving the house like two days a week to go to coffee shops and work, and I haven't done it yet and I won't. I don't even know why. I had it as a goal because I knew I wouldn't do it.
Speaker 2:It's like an ill-fitting goal. It's not for you.
Speaker 1:It sounded good Get out of the house. But I just, I have all my stuff here. I have my two monitors and my laptop and it's just like everything. It's just easier for me. And if I A if I had to, it would take me 10 minutes to get this laptop free, like I have so much stuff plugged into this and then I have to come back and replug everything in. So that wouldn't do it. I'd almost have to buy a second, just like cheaper laptop that would be like my computer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, coffee, coffee shop set up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, correct, but yeah, I don't know, it's just, it's not my thing, no, but people like it but it is, but I do. My wife tells me my therapist tells me the same thing that like I need more in-person interaction with people that I'm not related to, so like that's not the easiest problem to solve.
Speaker 2:It's not. Yeah, it's true, and you know, on that point, it's like so hard making friends as adults too, and this is something that people are talking about a lot more over the last few years, you know. So you're a solopreneur and you're an adult and all your friends have gone different ways. So I think community is huge. There's a couple of really great coaching communities out there, like the Changing Work Collective is one that I'd like to shout out, as well as the BIPOC Coach Collective, and there's a lot of these springing up, and oftentimes we have coaches who are starting their own school communities where you can kind of get access at a free level, without having to make a commitment, and still get that sense of community, do some learning and networking opportunities too.
Speaker 2:So, yes, while it's virtual and it's online, it's not the same as in person. There are options out there. You are not alone, and the more and more you connect with people in these sorts of environments, you will learn that we all experience similar challenges and struggles in our business, and that makes it a lot easier to move through life and our work having people that we can feel like. They get me and I can relate to them, and this is a safe space for me to talk about this challenge, because they're going through the same thing too. It's so important. I think it's probably a huge factor of longevity and success in business, because we have to build our communities around us, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. I just recently met someone locally on LinkedIn and we figured out we live pretty close to each other. So we're meeting in a couple of weeks at a coffee place. So that'll be nice just to talk to somebody that's just different and just get different energy and different experience. And I don't know her, so you know it'll be a lot of like you know, getting to know type talk, but so that's exciting and something to look forward to and I need to do. I need to find more of that, to be honest.
Speaker 2:Again, just to break up the routine of being online all day. I did some in-person networking last month.
Speaker 1:And I'll be completely transparent.
Speaker 2:I was apprehensive. That's just because it's um, I'm out of practice and I'm so used to networking online and I've actually designed my career in a way now where I don't have to leave if I don't want to. But this person I met with we had connected on LinkedIn and he said I hope you don't mind, I'm just more old school. Now I'm laughing because at the beginning of my events career, I actually produced a networking event. Although I wasn't a fan of doing it myself. It's like well, let me produce this thing so I don't have to be the one walking around the room Used to when I drank. Go to networking events, get my glass of wine, walk around the outskirts of the room to make it look like I was doing something, but never go up to anyone and start a conversation.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that's how I dealt with it and I always became online afterwards. So when he insisted, I thought okay, it's one of these things where I know I really want to meet this person. This is how they'd like to meet. It's good for me to go outside of my comfort zone. Of course, I was kind of nervous and plus, like do I have going out of my house clothes? It's a whole other thing. Right Now I work from home, but I got there and right away we hit it off.
Speaker 2:Like hit it off Like this is someone I could see myself being friends with, Do you know what I mean, and it's so funny and it was like I didn't want the conversation to end, you know, and it was a really, really great experience and I went home feeling like my cup had been filled and had been recharged and, like to your point, it's, that is the difference with being with someone in person you really do get that full on energy exchange and get a sense of what that person's all about. So, yeah, afterwards it can be virtual, because now we've met face to face, right yeah?
Speaker 1:No, I love that. I'm glad that that worked out and, like you said, it is difficult as an adult. My therapist at one point this was a while ago, but she recommended using Bumble and I was like, is that a dating site?
Speaker 2:I've done it.
Speaker 1:And she was like no, you can do it Like you can do it for friends.
Speaker 2:And I was like really, yes, anyway, but I thought that was like an interesting thing because it just, you know, it's just not easy. Like you, you have all these things that you're doing with friendship baskets, and so it's like if you only have a partner and you just expect your partner to fulfill all of your emotional needs, like that's just not reasonable.
Speaker 2:We need to have more people in our orbit but the same thing can happen if you only have a handful of friends you're always leaning on that one friend for support. That's just not fair and it's not healthy, right? And so I got to the point where I was like I think I need to do something about this and how am I going to meet people? So I kind of sat on it for a couple months, but then I did sign up for Bumble BFF and it's just like dating all over again, like it's the same kind of process. You're swiping and reading profiles and figuring out am I willing to travel halfway across the city to meet this person? And there were a few duds, just like there are when you're dating. But I got two new friends out of it and I got a lot of learnings out of it. I'll say that you cannot really consider yourself. I think it takes 200 hours of time spent with a person before you really can become friends.
Speaker 2:So what I quickly discovered was that, in order to get these friendships off to the right start, I couldn't meet them with the same frequency that I was meeting my established friends, so it couldn't be like every two to three months. It needed to be more frequent at the outset. So, look, this does take some time and effort and you need to be committed to it for the long haul. You can't do a few swipes, have a few bad friend dates and then give up. It takes the same level of effort and work, but it is worthwhile. You know to expand your network. And then you know what is so funny. A friend I met on Bumble, bff Michelle, said hey, I know a coach. He's kind of a newer coach. You know, would you be interested in like having lunch with him and his wife? And I said, okay, cool. So we go to lunch and I meet Matthew and his wife and we're talking back and forth and then something comes up and Matthew says he's considering joining this community.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like, however it came up, he had been talking with Rob Gilbert about joining this community and I was like, well, he had been considering and I said, oh my, my god, this is so crazy, like I support Rob and da da da, and was able to start talking about him, about the community, and so then he joined and Matthew was actually one of the founding members of my co-working club oh, wow yeah.
Speaker 2:So this whole thing came about, um, as a result of me taking this chance and meeting new people. And then it's like Toronto, small world, small world, everyone knows everyone, go figure. So that's kind of been a neat experience and I think it's worthwhile definitely worthwhile to do that. But just know that everyone has different expectations around what they're looking for in terms of how often you're meeting up and you have to be flexible with people, because people have family obligations and jobs and things like that. But it's definitely worthwhile, especially in this day and age where there's people like me who are just at home all the time.
Speaker 1:Right, there was. I'm reading the book called the Comfort Crisis. Have you ever heard of?
Speaker 2:that one. I've heard of it, I haven't read it.
Speaker 1:Michael Easter, I believe, is the author. I'm only about 70 pages into it. It's really good so far. I'm really enjoying it. But he was talking about that. With technology now there's a thing, it has a name People not only don't leave their house, they don't leave their bedroom, they literally stay in their bedroom 24-7, 365, because you can have everything delivered, you don't have to actually leave. And now obviously that's a problem, and so we're trying to work through it. But I do like to be at home, but I also, at some point I have to get out of the house. I have to just go, even if it's just to run errands like grocery store or Target or whatever, just to get out of here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I guess it's a real thing, a real issue.
Speaker 2:It is and there's a lack of third spaces as well. So like there used to be, like when we were growing up, like there'd be like more community centers and roller rinks and just places you can go and be with people, but like there's not as much access to libraries anymore and these sorts of areas. So like that is also compounding the problem, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when I was growing up as a kid malls were not a big thing Mall.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, We'd go hang out at the mall but they're kind of dying now at the mall. But they're kind of dying now Like a lot of the malls have closed or they're outdoor malls now but like the old school, like indoor mall with all the stores is just it's not really a thing, but that's a good point. Yeah, the kind of communal social gathering places are. They've just changed so much. Well, this conversation has been fascinating. Thank you so much for your time. Sorry for the tech glitches. We'll get that. We'll get that stitched up. Any final thoughts?
Speaker 2:parting words and then how people can reach out and find you on LinkedIn and whatnot. Parting words, that's a great question. I will say this If you are looking to make any sort of change in your life, the way you operate in your life or your business, focus on your mindset. Focus on thinking about becoming the kind of person you want to be, because it all starts in our mindset. We can put on the gym clothes and do all that, but yeah, so focus on making the mindset shifts. Where you can find me is on my website at vibehighherecom, or on LinkedIn, mariah Bakas, or you can find me on IG. On IG, we are there as vibehighhere as well. What was your other question? Did?
Speaker 1:I get it all. I think that was it. That was all. Yeah, I think you got it.
Speaker 2:Awesome.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, no, I love your energy and your intellect and just your overall vibe. I really enjoy meeting with you. I enjoy talking with you. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of your background and insight on the show today. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thanks for inviting me.