The Real You
1:1 Long-Form Interviews with Interesting People Doing Amazing Things
In-depth discussion of people's journeys to tap into their full potential and find ways to be the truest version of themselves.
The Real You
EP 34: No More Excuses: The Path to Wellness with Melissa Pike
- In this episode of The Real You Podcast, Melissa Pike, an ICF-certified health and life coach, shares her journey from HR to coaching, highlighting the challenges of workplace wellness and the power of authentic storytelling in building meaningful connections.
- She discusses key strategies for mental well-being, including mindfulness, gratitude journaling, goal-setting, and the importance of movement, while also reflecting on her transformative journey to sobriety and how it has improved her life.
- Listeners will gain valuable insights on managing stress, fostering work-life balance, and embracing personal growth to create a healthier and more fulfilling life.
Melissa's LinkedIn profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-pike-588b5974/
Melissa's website: https://www.melissapike.ca/
David's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-young-mba-indy/
David's Website: https://davidjyoung.me/
Welcome to the Real you Podcast. This is episode 34. I'm David Young, your host. I'm a LinkedIn content and business coach. I have coaches with less than 3,000 followers grow their businesses through better storytelling and content creation. I launched this podcast in March of 2024 to spotlight interesting people doing amazing things, and today I'm joined by Melissa Pike. She's an ICF certified health and life coach who works with both individuals and companies in areas of mindset shift, stress management and overall health and wellness. We'll discuss her journey as a solopreneur, her use of LinkedIn to connect with a wide audience and her passion for helping people live their best lives. So, melissa, welcome to the show and thanks for making time for me today.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much, David. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so, yeah. So I've been seeing your content for a while and I always think it's really well written and you write a pretty diverse about a diverse set of topics, and it is health and wellness, but I feel like it goes like even deeper than that. So I always really enjoy your content. I think it's some of the better content that I see, and I look at a lot of content every day, so kudos to you for that.
Speaker 2:Appreciate that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so talk about your background. I know you worked in HR for a while and now you do health and wellness coaching, but if you want to talk a little bit about like kind of your background in terms of work and then how you kind of eventually transitioned into, you know, coaching, others investing to sales.
Speaker 2:Then I got into recruitment, which kind of led me then into HR. So, yeah, I had done various aspects of HR for the I would say the better part of seven six to seven years, and it was in my last role that I started to see a lot of struggles among team members and just individual employees and whatnot, and I just thought I felt a little bit helpless in my role. My role was very busy and very task oriented and required a lot of travel, so I just felt I wasn't able to help in areas that I saw some struggle and that kind of got me on the path of thinking, well, what else do I want to be doing then? How else can I be contributing and giving back and helping? And that kind of put me on the path to coaching and I was interested in doing a dual certification. So I wanted to do the life coaching in addition to the health coaching, and I very much intertwine the two in everything that I do.
Speaker 2:You can't have a successful life if you're not healthy, and you can't be healthy, I guess, if you've got a bad life. Kind of work it all in together. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. Just a quick off topic. So my two or three companies ago I did some budget work for HR and they were always everybody was always getting promoted, but they weren't doing anything different, so they were just giving people the fanciest titles ever. So everybody was a VP of something and we always used to make fun of it. Did that happen? Where you worked, Everybody in HR had like best titles.
Speaker 2:No, no, not in my experience. I was an HR generalist and I probably would have been that until someone retired in 20 years from now. But no, I have seen that in other companies, though for sure.
Speaker 1:At my company, you would have been vice president of human generalist.
Speaker 2:People and culture, yeah.
Speaker 1:Even if you were just vice president of yourself, that wouldn't have mattered. Yeah, of yourself that wouldn't have mattered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's interesting that you got, because you got behind the scenes in HR, right, you were probably able to see you had access to things right that most a lot of people employees at companies don't get to see. So is that what got the wheels turning? Then you were seeing whether it was like biometric we used to do like a biometric health assessment that I'm sure you guys probably had access to, or was it just in one on ones or like, where did you start to see kind of the, I guess, the negativity in the in their health and well being?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So for me a lot of it came from. It was a bit of a mix of individual employees coming to me directly to kind of let me know things that they were struggling with, whether it was directly work related or maybe an overflow from home life. But the other part of it was doing the quarterly reports, company wide. So for each, you know, because the company was quite large and was was actually broken down into multiple companies itself.
Speaker 2:For me I worked it was around 11 to 12 businesses across two provinces, and so doing those reports every quarter I was able to kind of see firsthand, you know, the number of people taking sick days and you know, and how common it was, the number of people who were taking advantage of the employee assistance program, like the additional therapy and whatnot, that those numbers tended to be on the lower side.
Speaker 2:You know the numbers of people going on stress leave, disability, all of that. So for me it was hearing people kind of you know I don't want to use the word complain, because you know when people are struggling, you know it's how they're feeling, so but but seeing firsthand the struggle and then also seeing these numbers and kind of thinking, well, they've got to be connected. Right, you know people are struggling, their productivity is suffering, and if their productivity is suffering, then they're probably, you know, they're probably being spoken to by their managers and whatnot, and then you know, the stress just kind of compounds. And then one day they just come in with a doctor's note and they say you know what? I can't, I just can't do this. I need to take six weeks or whatever. It is off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. And you know I think it's interesting too. There's a health and wellness initiatives are pretty common, especially, you know, these days and I think in relatively recent past maybe a little more so post COVID. But I wonder like how much lip service that is. And then, how many companies are actually really investing in programs to actually help offset the burden and life schedule and work schedule versus just having it available? What did you see from your experience?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean the last company I worked for. They did have several really good initiatives. They actually they have a registered nurse on staff who kind of comes up with health and wellness initiatives. But again, it's a struggle because you know, when it's a really large company it's kind of hard to get to everyone right. So I find, depending on the initiatives and depending on the size of the company, you tend to be in repair mode as opposed to preventative mode. And so and that's largely what I'm trying to work with companies on now is to kind of get ahead of it so that we can prevent all of the absenteeism and even the presenteeism. You know there's a lot of people sitting at their desks and not really doing what they're supposed to be doing. So and you know it doesn't make them bad employees.
Speaker 2:Maybe they're just feeling stuck or overwhelmed, or you know whatever it is so but I have, yes, I've seen a good number of companies, you know, especially if you go on any of those job sites, you know, and you'll see all these bonuses and it's amazing. But you hear the horror stories of employees afterwards saying like this is you know, yeah, we had pizza on Fridays for lunch, but everything else was, you know, game rooms and ping pong and foosball and actually, invest in something that actually helps.
Speaker 1:But I'm sure there's a lot that goes into that bureaucracy and you know budgets and whatnot. So when did you start thinking? Did you start getting certified then, while you were still working, Because you were like, okay, this is something I want to do, and you kind of mapped that out and thought this is the next step for me want to do and you kind of mapped that out and thought this is the next step for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's interesting because I was feeling really restless and while I was overwhelmed and busy. So I just started thinking what am I feeling restless about? What area of my life am I feeling really dissatisfied in? And I did this exercise that my therapist had actually recommended in the past, which is to kind of just make a full list of every aspect of your life and see what feels like a trigger, you know. So I included everything from my personal life to my friendships, to my work, and work seemed to be a bit of the trigger for me. It felt a little bit unfulfilling. It's a great job. I think it takes a very unique skill set and a very unique type of person to do it well and do it long term. Because it's a great job. I think it takes a very unique skill set and a very unique type of person to do it well and do it long term, because it's a tough job for me. Long term it wasn't in the cards, but a lot came out of it and I learned a lot from it. So once I kind of identified that it was career that I was a bit unsatisfied with.
Speaker 2:I then made my big list of all the things I could possibly do that I could earn a living at but also feel passionate about and love. And I made that list even if it was something that was impractical. And I made it from the point of view what if I had zero barrier to entry? What if I didn't need any education, if I didn't need any money, if I didn't need anything? I could just do it and I would love it. I put all of those things down and then I kind of narrowed that down and, funny enough, I thought I wanted to be a therapist. So I had a therapy appointment with my therapist and to talk about that and by the time I was done, spewing everything I was saying, she said you know what, melissa, you're not describing therapy, you're describing coaching. And I hadn't really thought of coaching. I don't think I knew coaching was even a job. You know, health coaching and life coaching. So I thought, okay, yeah, because I really wanted to focus on enhancing wellness, enhancing total life wellness, you know, extending health span, not just lifespan, and all the other things that go with therapy that I didn't want to deal with. I didn't want to deal with addiction or mental illness and you know there's been a lot of that in my family and I think I've just kind of it's not for me.
Speaker 2:So then I started my year long journey of, you know, researching institutions and programs and whatnot, and yeah, so I eventually settled on a dual certification. I wanted to make sure I was ICF certified. That was pretty important to me. And then I entered the program and I was doing that by night, while I was working my day job, and I thought maybe, you know, for maybe six months once I'm certified, I'll try this side hustle I know we don't like using that term anymore but and work my day job.
Speaker 2:And then it was literally around the time that I got certified that I was doing a lot of traveling for work and I was burning out fast and I just I kind of had to have this real talk with myself where I was saying how am I going to coach other people into preventing burnout while I'm burning out? So I felt a little bit and then that overwhelmed me, which added on to everything else. So I just I had to make the really tough decision to just go all in and make it a primary hustle, not a side. And yeah, the rest is history.
Speaker 1:And here we are.
Speaker 2:Here we are.
Speaker 1:Well, it's amazing that you recognized that you were a little bit. It was going to be a little hypocritical, right, if you were coaching something that you were not dealing with yourself. I don't know if everybody would have had that awareness and simply because it's just so much easier to stay employed and collect the paycheck and then see if the business on the side works right, that's a much safer path. So I applaud you for recognizing it and being like no, if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in and I'm going to do it, I'm going to figure it out. That was about two years ago, is that correct?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was in 2023.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then did you start on LinkedIn right away, or how did you first go about attracting clients?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so well. Initially I had actually, as soon as I got certified, I registered, I legally registered my business and before I even attempted to get a client, I entered into a business coaching program, a group coaching program, yeah, With a local company here that works internationally, safi Media Group. And so it was a 12 week program where they were, you know, typically working with entrepreneurs who were already a little bit established at least, if not a lot established, and were looking to grow their business. I had no starting point. I'd never been an entrepreneur before. I felt very confident in my coaching ability because long before becoming officially certified, I felt like I'd been everyone's life coach up until that point anyway. So it made sense. But on the business side, no, I didn't have any idea. So I entered into that program. They have fantastic coaches in that program and one of them we were in a conversation, we did a one-on-one call and I had mentioned to her that I was nervous to go to put myself out there online and she just got really stern with me.
Speaker 2:She's like you just got to do it. She's like, who cares, just put it out there and it's going to get easier. And she just got really stern with me. She's like you just got to do it. She's like who cares? Just put it out there and it's going to get easier. And I started to sweat and I was really uncomfortable and I thought, okay, what do I want more? Do I want to feel more comfortable in this moment, or do I want to have a successful business?
Speaker 2:So I had to just bite the bullet and I put my first big post up. I think it was in July of 2023. And it was a bit of a personal post. It was about having a bit of a meltdown at work after my divorce, a very impromptu, unexpected meltdown and it reached over 50,000 impressions, yeah, and I had people messaging me private messaging me from as far away as Africa, people in Europe, people in the States I'm in Canada and it just, I think, so many people resonated with it and I think, if you're going to really put yourself out there and see what sticks, I think that was a really good first time doing something like that and getting that kind of response, because it kind of fueled me a little bit, right.
Speaker 2:So it didn't mean I was immediately at ease and comfortable posting, but I just put my foot down and I said I'm just going to post, I'm going to keep posting and I'm going to post as often as I can. And it's funny because I come up with ideas all the time. I could be listening to a Mel Robbins podcast, or I could be walking the dogs and a thought pops into my head, and so I use my notes folder in my phone constantly and I'll just put like enough that I'm going to remember what my thought was, and then, yeah, when I get a chance, I sit down and I write it out. But it's kind of like that snowball effect Once you get started. Right For the amount of people who publicly comment or like or share my posts. There's almost an equal number of people that are messaging me privately who are saying you know what? I wasn't comfortable enough to comment publicly, but your post this morning really resonated with me, it really hit home, and so it's been an incredible journey since then incredible journey since then.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it speaks to kind of what I was talking about at the beginning with your content. It does seem or it doesn't seem, I mean, to someone who obviously doesn't know you from the outside it comes across very real, very normal. It's your life, your experience. You've talked about your divorce. You've talked about struggling with alcohol. You've talked about very real issues that a lot of people deal with either directly or indirectly.
Speaker 1:I think we've all dealt with one of those two or both, in both capacities, and so I think that it's not your standard content that people can easily you know GPT or Google, right Like it's your experience. It's your life, your lived experiences. You travel. I know you took a big trip. I remember you wrote about taking kind of a solo trip overseas and stuff, so like that kind of stuff. I think really, when people see that, I think it's very encouraging and motivating to see you come across just as a real person who's now like trying to help. So I think that really helps and I think it also validated because that post did so well, like you said, it resonated. A lot of people aligned with it could see themselves in it. I think that probably had to be a huge confidence boost that you did have something to say, and then what you were saying that people were going to relate to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. You know it's kind of. You know it's a double bonus right, because it was a bit of a confidence. It was an extreme confidence boost, but also it felt, it felt really beautiful to connect with people in that way, you know. And there are people you know that say I haven't shared this with anyone but you know, I got divorced back in you know, whatever year and and I didn't let on that it was bothering me as much as it was. And you know, hearing you be so raw and so real and of course you're going to get the haters. I, I, I delete those messages not because I'm trying to make it look like I only get good feedback, but because I don't want to take away from the meaning and the importance of the message. And you know, and everything I post isn't for everyone.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:You know there's going to be something for someone and then the next day it's going to be a totally different topic for somebody, somebody different. But you know, in the beginning too, I had this fear of because LinkedIn is a professional network and it's not where people are posting private stories and things like that. But I'm a life coach, right. So I mean I need to connect with people in a very real way in order for them to feel comfortable and safe enough to work with me and to trust me with their stories and to trust me to help them move forward in terms of creating a plan and you know, just ultimately, from setting goals all the way to building habits.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. I mean it makes a lot of sense and I could definitely see where people would maybe not be so comfortable commenting. But you know, reach out in the DMs and share stories and struggles. So I think what you're doing is amazing and I think it's so needed Again.
Speaker 1:I think post-COVID there's a lot, a lot has changed. I think people are taking therapy for sure. More seriously, I think you've talked about loneliness or just the isolation I think a lot of people felt when suddenly they couldn't come and go as they were used to, and so I just think a lot of things kind of got pushed to the top, to the surface, and people were kind of forced to deal with things that they may not have been. So, even though we're approaching the five-year anniversary, I think it's still new enough that people are understanding that they need to prioritize themselves physically, mentally, because, like you said, it's all intertwined and the better that you feel then, the more productive you are at work, the better your other relationships are, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:What is your? I know you tailor. I'm pretty sure you tailor your custom or your coaching packages, obviously depending on the client, because everybody has different needs. But is there is. There are a couple, two or three like kind of main things that end up. You end up working with people on, or or at least talking to them about when you start, you know, coaching them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean there's a bit of a theme, I would say, with everybody I work with when I'm working with individuals, that is, I work virtually. We meet once a week for an hour and I start out with a 12-week program and that is so we can build, you know, do some great like foundation laying and build some habits. I would. So, from day one, we established three goals, three things that they want to work towards, three things that they want to work towards, and I would say very commonly, one of the three goals has something to do with their health, whether it's weight loss or whether it's, you know, changing, changing the way they eat, because maybe they're pre diabetic or they're kind of on a bad path. I would say, another very common goal and it seems a bit abstract, but it's really not is finding ways to be more present. So I've worked with quite a few high performing executives. Some of them are in the C-suites and they have spent decades building their career and really focusing on just that one thing, and they've gotten so good at it that now you know, they're at the stage of life where they're seeing their peers having health issues. Maybe they're having health issues and they're thinking, okay, I've got to do something about this right now because I don't want to wait until it's too late. Being present with family and shutting off work after hours, or finding a balance. You know, it's too unrealistic to tell someone you're just well, nine to five, you're at work and then after that, no, don't think about work. It doesn't work that way. But finding a balance that works for each individual person. So I would say a lot of people are looking for that balance of just being present, like not being distracted while their wife or husband is trying to have a conversation with them at the dinner table and things.
Speaker 2:And you know, and there are other people who are they're just trying to figure out what's next. You know whether they're gearing up to retire and they just have no idea what life is going to mean after the identity that they've held on to for several decades of you know their title at work is no longer there. Or you know relationships. That seems to be a big one, you know. Coming out of a relationship, who am I without being attached to that person and having my identity attached to that person and figuring out how do I live my best life? Like, where do I start? You know. I know I have these ideas that I want to live an amazing life and I want to have a you know, an amazing life and I want to have a you know, a house, and I want to have a good job and all these things.
Speaker 2:But what does it really look like for the individual person? It can be really overwhelming and daunting to kind of figure out where to start and where to go from here. So having someone kind of help you break that down and identify what it is you actually want Weight loss, for instance, when someone says that I like to dive a little deeper and figure out, well, why do you want to lose weight? What does that mean to you? And then you just keep going deeper and deeper until they realize, oh, it's not actually for the reason I thought it was so for maybe a beach body in the summer or something. A lot of people say that and they don't actually mean that it's something a bit deeper. So I guess that's a long way of answering the question about no, I mean no, it's good.
Speaker 1:I think I'm glad you brought up mindfulness being present, because we see a lot of that. If you spend any time on LinkedIn, you can't go very far without seeing a post about that. What are your kind of go-tos? Or if somebody says I really want to be more present at home with my family, and do you have any go-to tips? Or how do you help them start to find that space?
Speaker 1:Because it's not easy to do, especially if you're working, like you said, in those C-suite jobs lots of pressure, they're typically high paying, but they expect a lot of performance and so they're just, you know, they're doing a lot of work and then, like you said, you can't just flip the switch and leave the office. Whether you're in the office or working from home, it doesn't matter. It's very hard to draw that line and then just be like, okay, now I'm not going to think about that like you will. So what? How do you typically like start to approach it with them, to start shifting that mindset to where they can kind of let go a little bit of the work part and kind of embrace the family?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, I guess first we would kind of look at, well, where are you going when you're not present? Where's your mind going? What are the top things? And a lot of people say, well, I'm reflecting on the day and I'm planning for tomorrow right, that's a very common one. And so, identifying what's taking your attention away, and then, okay, well, how else can we give that attention so that we kind of get it out of your brain? Because when it's just in your mind, it's on loop, we're having the same or similar thoughts over and over and over. And so, okay, well, if you find yourself reflecting on the day that you just had, you know, when you get home and you're trying to shut that off, you know maybe take five to 10 minutes just at the end of your workday to jot down some things. You know, make some, you know just some bullet points of you know about the meeting that you had, things that you want to remember, thoughts that you had of how you can do something better. Whatever it is, you know just kind of jotting it down, getting it out and put it in your phone.
Speaker 2:I find pen to paper is my best go-to. Maybe that's just old school, but there's something about actually writing it out for me that it feels liberating. It feels like I'm kind of getting it out, I'm breaking that loop in my brain and if it's overthinking tomorrow or next week or all the things you have to do, people are always running through these mental checklists. Write it down. It doesn't have to be in stone, it doesn't have to be your tomorrow, Like now you're just going to chronologically go through this list, but everything you're having thoughts about, just write them down and kind of plan out your day that way. And then be very specific about the time that you're not wanting to focus on work. Be very specific about what you want to do. It's incorporating that mindfulness, like okay, so I just wrote down a couple of things. This is my indicator that now I'm going to shift my focus and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to go talk to my wife, I'm going to help peel vegetables, I'm, you know, start prepping supper and you know. And, if need be, if there's something that pops into your head about work and you're like, I hope, you know, start prepping supper and you know. And, if need be, if there's something that pops into your head about work and you're like, I hope I don't forget this, you know. Then just take a moment to jot it down, put it in your phone and then put your phone away, Right?
Speaker 2:So the other thing is boundaries. We tend to not set and keep clear boundaries, which leads to us ruminating on everything that happened during the day and what's going to happen tomorrow. There's probably a lot of stuff we could pass off to other people. You know that we could delegate and we're not doing it for whatever reason, or we're taking on too much because we don't have clear boundaries in place and that leaves us with little to no room mentally to think about anything else except stressing over that stuff.
Speaker 2:So I think you know, making your list, setting some clear boundaries and then being purposeful, being very intentional about your off work time. You know, if you, if you do need to work in the evening, then map that out. From this time to this time I'm going to do work and then I'm going to go and play with my kids, or I'm going to go to, and then I'm going to go and play with my kids, or I'm going to go to the movies, or whatever it is. But we think that just by having thoughts we're going to turn those into actions, and we don't, so we really have to plan for everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I really like that. There was a post that reminded me it's been a while ago, but he talked about similar to what you're talking about. He called it like a shutdown routine. It works a little bit better if you are in an office, but you can do it in a home office too, but it's literally taking 15, 20 minutes. So let's say you're going to stop working at 5, 4.30, 4.40. And then it was a very specific routine and it's kind of what you talked about.
Speaker 1:So you get out paper or you can type it up whatever and you recap the day like a couple things that went well, a couple things that didn't, and like a couple learnings, like very short and sweet, um, and then maybe like a couple to-dos for the following day. So when you start your day the following day, you you don't have to think about what you want to do, top priorities or whatever. But the key for him was then you like shut down your computer like you you're. You're literally telling your brain that the computer, your work computer, is shutting off and it is done like you are no longer, that's no longer what you're focused on. And then if you're at the office, then obviously you're driving home so you have time to process it if you're at your house and you're walking downstairs or upstairs or whatever.
Speaker 1:But it's a clear signal because when you don't do that, like if you just stop working, your brain doesn't know the difference, like it's still all that stuff's still running around and you're still thinking, and so there's it's even more difficult, the lines are even blurred. So if you give that like definitive, again doesn't have to be a long time where you're like you're telling yourself this is the end of the workday, this is the beginning of personal time, family time, friend time, whatever. So I think that's really important and I don't think a lot of people do that to really help themselves like fully transition into, like not working and especially, as you know, trying to run your own business for two years. I think it's even harder when you're trying to run your own business because there's so much to think about, there's so much to do at any one time and it doesn't really stop right.
Speaker 2:There's no real off time, yeah. So that's where the intention really comes in, for sure. But another thing is a lot of people who are at that maxed capacity, they aren't. If you asked them how much joy they have in their day, they would probably have a hard time pinpointing. You know what they experienced.
Speaker 2:So I find getting into a regular practice of gratitude and I know that sounds kind of woo woo, it's really not, it's science backed.
Speaker 2:For myself, I have a one-line-a-day gratitude journal because journaling for me is I know journaling is amazing for you in so many ways I have a hard time because when I start writing I have a hard time stopping and then it becomes this huge task and so the next time I think I want to journal, I'm like no, I really don't, because I don't have an hour to wear my pen out.
Speaker 2:Right, the one line a day is perfect for me and I limit it to that and I keep it on my nightstand with a pen. So at the very end of my day, before I pull back the covers, I write that one line of what I was grateful for. The more you get into a routine of doing that and having to think back to what happened in your day and what you can be grateful for. It gets easier and easier, and then we start subconsciously seeking out moments of joy throughout the day or things that we're being a bit more present for, and then it becomes something that is so much easier for us to do. So, like anything else, if we want to become better at being present, we have to practice being present. We can't just be present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't just say I'm doing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like saying you want to be in great shape, but like it doesn't just happen, you can't just think about it.
Speaker 2:One trip to the gym, you're all set.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're all, we're good. See you next year. I've struggled with journaling and I understand its value and so many people talk about it. Like you said, there's all these different ways. There's long form, there's short form. Somebody recommended to me it's called the five-minute journal. It's similar to what you're talking about. Literally each page are prompts, but there's not very many of them so it doesn't take very long. You do a little bit at the beginning of the day and a little bit at the end. I've experimented with that. I haven't quite found the right routine, but I do know that it's not living in your head and getting it down, something down on paper, just helps just so much. So I'm happy to hear you say that. I'm also happy to hear that you sometimes struggle with it, because I think it seems like everybody's a professional journalist.
Speaker 2:I know, but I think people talk about it more than they do it.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's good To be fair. All right, that makes me feel better.
Speaker 2:Like I love going into the bookstore and buying all these fancy journals and whatnot and I have about seven right now that have, like maybe the first few pages, filled in.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then I kind of lose interest in it the guided ones. I thought that's going to be a great idea, and then I kind of lose interest in it the guided ones. I thought that's going to be a great idea. And then I get it and I don't like the prompts because then I have to overthink how I'm going to flow with the prompts.
Speaker 1:Because you have to abide by the prompts you kind of.
Speaker 2:it's not a one size fits all. You know, some people love those prompts and can use them. A favorite way and most effective way of sticking with it is the one line a day and it's a five-year journal. So right now, as I'm filling in what is this January 6th, when I'm filling in the date, I get to see last year on this date what I said I was grateful for, and then the year before that, and then the gratitude before that, right so, and then it just, and then the gratitude just keeps flowing exponentially, you know. And sometimes I'll see an entry where I had met a friend for coffee and had a great conversation. I'll take a photo of that and I'll text it to my friend and say, hey, a year ago today we were having coffee together. Oh, that's nice, you know.
Speaker 1:and yeah, so it kind of compounds when you do it. When you do it that way. Yeah no, I, you know, and yeah, so it kind of compounds when you do it, when you do it that way. Yeah, no, I love that. Uh, switch gears just a little bit. I know you we mentioned a little bit earlier but you've talked about in your post um, like drinking and binge drinking, and then you I don't think you've had a drink now and it's at least three years, maybe even longer, correct?
Speaker 1:yeah, since august of 2021 oh wow, okay, so three, three and change. Um, if you could just talk a little bit about kind of what that was like and really focusing on the difference now, like three years of being sober, and just the benefits and how much better you feel, and just kind of what that was like, because I think that's important for a lot of people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and probably timely. I'm sure there's several people right now struggling through post-holiday hangovers, you know, not just alcohol hangovers, but all the festive hangovers. Right, for me it was a decision that I didn't build up to thinking about it. I had tried dry months before. They were fine, I mean, I was able to do it. And then I thought, but like, as soon as the calendar rolled over into the following month, I'm only going to drink on the weekends, right. But then Wednesday I'd have a bad day at work and so I would stop the liquor store. And then another day would happen and oh, I'm celebrating, you know, I had a great day at work, or it's a birthday, or it's whatever it is, you know.
Speaker 2:And so I just got really overwhelmed when I recognized that so much of my life revolved around alcohol, the planning of it, the planning for planning to go and do it, planning for how I was going to feel the next day, like laying out the Advil and all the other stuff. And you know it, just, I think it just compounded one day and I felt really anxious and overwhelmed and I didn't know in that moment it was the alcohol. So I kind of had to go through, and I do lists for everything, but I went through this mental checklist of all the things and the very last thing I could possibly think of was it must be alcohol. You know, I just I have to stop drinking. And that day, and every day since I haven't touched it, it was really hard. It was really really hard. I didn't just make the decision, as a lot of people are right now. Just, you know, they didn't have a problem with it, they were just like I just want to be healthy and that's wonderful.
Speaker 2:I was drinking every day, you know, I mean, and I could even top that up by saying well, it was always after five, and you know, but let's, let's be honest, it was still. You know, I was drinking a bottle of wine a night, you know, during the week and on the weekends I was, you know, having a bit more because why not? And so you know that was in August. And then, you know, my birthday rolled around in November and I thought, oh, my God, am I really not going to drink on my birthday?
Speaker 2:Like, what do you even do on your birthday if you don't drink alcohol? You know, but I didn't. And one thing I did I started it from day one. Just to see what would happen is just literally in my calendar in my phone. Every day I would open up today's date and I would type in the number of days since I had had a drink. And as the number kept growing like when I got to 90, and then, you know, 150, every time I really wanted to have a drink, I thought I can't go back to day one.
Speaker 2:I can't go back to day one. So I literally did that, my husband, the exact day I stopped drinking, he did it with me and he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since as well, he didn't have a problem with it, but he wanted to be supportive and it just didn't mean that much to him to drink.
Speaker 2:So, and yeah, it's been a journey and I think in the beginning and this is also, you know, in 2021, we're still peak pandemic, right, and that might've been what kind of expedited my quitting was, because from March 2020 until then, I was drinking a lot more than I had previous years.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, um, by then, you know, I just I just couldn't do it anymore. So I, um, I thought, you know I don't want to. So I mean, being over 40, I thought I'm on the back half now, right, so before it was just I, all I had to worry about was being hung over. Now I had to worry about my skin looking terrible, my liver failing, you know, just not being able to handle the hangovers as well as I did in my 20s when I could pop up and have a beer to air the dog.
Speaker 2:So there's just, there's so many things. And you know, it's honestly it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I would even say harder than choosing to get divorced. But because it was, it was part of everything I did, but it was one of the best things I've ever done. One of the best things. And it's interesting because I always worked out, I was always very physically active, but I always had this little midsection that was just a little squishy and I would say four to five months post quitting alcohol it was gone. And, not to mention, I went my whole life without ever having a cavity and during the pandemic I got three, because I wasn't eating sugar. It was literally just wine. So a lot of reasons, a lot of reasons, and you know, and the pressure, I would say, from people you know, not so much now. I think now, just so many people are quitting, it's normal.
Speaker 2:But, in the beginning it was a lot of. Oh, you're not even going to just have one Like, but it wasn't. You know, like you weren't an alcoholic, I'm like. Well, I guess by definition I was right. But I mean, we picture alcoholics as people who are. If they run out, they're drinking mouthwash or they're face down in a ditch or, you know, they're ruining the kids Christmas recital, like whatever it is. And I hadn't done anything like that. But I would say, by definition it was a problem for sure.
Speaker 1:No, that's amazing journey. Thank you for sharing that. I just really applaud you for again recognizing it and then getting to the point where you're like all right, like something has to change and it can't just be for a month or two months, a year or whatever. Like it's got to be more permanent, more long-term. So I applaud you for taking that step and doing it without help. It sounds like you just did it on your own cold turkey and then figured out a way to make it stick, which is also amazing.
Speaker 1:I think we've talked about in some of your posts about how pervasive alcohol is with literally every facet of life good or bad, right, like you said. Bad day at work drink, funeral after the funeral drink you know, if someone gets poor health, news drink. Pandemic, world's ending drink. Within the good times weddings, birthdays, anniversaries all alcohol right. It's literally synonymous with almost everything that you do Go out for work after drink, happy hour drink it's amazing. The alcohol companies have done a great job of marketing because it's associated with everything. So it's very difficult when you stop because you are an outsider, because it's so normal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean I definitely remember, when I was drinking, being around people who said they didn't drink. I didn't want to be around them. You know, I just thought like they're not going to be any fun.
Speaker 2:No fun yeah when you're drinking and someone isn't, it kind of makes you look at yourself a little bit more and you know you want someone to share, like if you're, if you're doing something, that's not great for you, it's, it's always. You know, it feels a little better when someone's doing it with you. But it's a bit of a look in the mirror when you know you're drinking in sober company. So. But you know, even even on LinkedIn and I'm I haven't checked it in a while, but I think it's probably still the same case but you know when, when you use the emojis, if you type in cheers, the only emoji that pops up are the two champagne glasses clinking right.
Speaker 2:So you know, and I've got friends who will not toast, they won't clink my glass because there's no alcohol in it. They're acting superstitious about like you're only supposed to cheers with, you know, alcohol and I'm like I'm pretty sure an alcohol company made that up Like that's ridiculous, like first of all, I don't have that kind of power that you know, if I touch you with my non-alcoholic glass, something bad is going to happen to you. But yeah, so it tends to play a role. But you know what you grow. You grow with it and you also find out who your friends are. And I'm perfectly fine being around alcohol. If I go out with the girls, they're having some wine, I'm having some mocktails. Nothing's different. The only difference is I can drive home and I wake up feeling great the next day, pretty much it.
Speaker 1:Well, it's also interesting too that alcohol is one of the few things, maybe the only thing, where when you say that you don't want it or you're not having it, people question it. So, like if it was cocaine, and you're like, yeah, I'm good, nobody's like what, you're not going to do it. That's crazy. What do you mean? But without you know I mean not the best analogy, but you get my point like. But with alcohol you're like, no, I'm not drinking, or I'm not having a drink, or I haven't had a drink in three years. I think some people are like really, why like they still? They really like, they want to know where I was, almost anything else. You're like, no, I'm good and be like all right, and they just keep moving. So it's really interesting.
Speaker 2:It's even pervasive there where it's like weird, yeah, say no to in social settings try to be I try to be discreet about it. I don't I don't need everyone to know or draw attention to it. So you know, I'll just quietly ask the server for a mocktail, or I'll get a 0% beer, or I'll just get soda water with a splash of something in it. But I find sometimes you know you'll get that server that's trying to be funny, you know. And they're like what? You're not going to have wine, everybody else is having wine. And it's like don't make me have to tell you that I'm sober, because then you're going to feel crappy and I'm going to feel like everyone's staring at me, and so, yeah, it just just depends what situation you get into. But I've gotten pretty savvy with navigating those scenarios.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm glad you mentioned the non-alcoholic and the mocktails. I think that's a lot more popular now. I think a few years ago that wasn't as big a thing, but I know I've heard people having mocktail parties now where there's no alcohol. I know the non-alcoholic wine and a lot of the non-alcoholic beer has gotten just a lot more selection. So it used to just be like O'Doul's, but now I think a lot of the major brewers have an alcohol version. So I think there is a shift. I think the younger I've seen and read like this kind of I don't know what generation we're on, I've lost track. I know that I'm X and that's kind of all that I know for sure. Same. So I'm not sure where we are, what letter we're on. But I've seen and heard that they're not drinking as much as maybe 20 or 30 years ago kids did, and so they're starting to understand it's not the best decision for you, for your health. You can still have fun without it, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:So maybe there's a little bit of a shift. I would probably say too, though, a lot of those people. They obviously don't have boomers for parents.
Speaker 1:True.
Speaker 2:I think Gen X. You know, like we, we survived childhood by the skin of our teeth. So a lot of us just our parents drank. So we thought, hey, it seems like a fun thing to do, it seems like a stress reliever. I'm going to do it too. But I think there's, you know the younger generations are, they're not like as a whole. I would say there's. There's not as much, I don't know what to how to say it, but maybe they just don't have the same level of traumas that the older generations went through, because back then people weren't recording it and putting it on social media and stuff. And today it's really hard to hide that kind of stuff. It's, you know, people are putting it all out there.
Speaker 1:No, I look back at my childhood and I I do wonder, like I don't really know how I made it. I mean, we we drove to florida with, laying down in a van for like 12 hours, no seat belts, um, no car seats. Uh, I was gone. I would leave the house at on a weekend morning at like 8 am. I wouldn't come back until like nine o'clock at night. I was god knows where. My mom would have no idea where I was, no way to get a hold of me.
Speaker 1:Just, you know no technology right. Just incredible. Yeah, so you're right, it is truly a miracle that some of us are still here, so hopefully it's not quite as big of a threat for the youth of America. Talk about your daily movement. You mentioned that you always kind of have done that and I'm sure you work with your clients on that. What do you think is the biggest obstacle, or what do you think prevents people and you don't have to like train for races, so it doesn't have to be like two hour training sessions? What do you think prevents people from even just doing 20 or 30 minutes? You know, five days a week.
Speaker 2:Well, first and foremost, I would say it's the stories they're telling themselves. You know like we are master negotiators and if we're not planning for it and preparing for it in advance, we're going to give ourselves ample opportunity to talk ourselves out of doing it. If we have to wake up and then we have to go and look for our workout clothes and we have to think what am I going to do today? Am I going to go to the gym? Am I going to work out at home? It's all of this non-planning and non-preparation that, as we're waking up in the morning because I like to work out in the morning before I can even talk myself out of it. But when you're not prepared for it, you're giving yourself ample opportunity to back out and we tend to overthink it as well. And so I mean, for me, when I was really trying to get in a really good habit of doing it, I was still doing it, but I was doing it begrudgingly. But you know, I would lay in bed and I would negotiate with myself and I'm like, okay, like, but what I would end up saying ultimately was, every time I don't work out, I tend to ruminate on that the rest of the day and I'm thinking, if I had just done it, I wouldn't even have to think about it the rest of the day. So I've always, you know, and I've heard lots of people say it since but I've always said, you know, I don't regret any workout that I've done and I've always regretted the ones I didn't do. So I would say that to myself laying in bed and I would get myself out. But then it became okay, well, let's get everything ready. Get everything ready to go, you know, and lay the clothes out the night before, put the sneakers in the right in front of your bedroom door, so you would have to trip over them to avoid them.
Speaker 2:You know, and figure out what you're going to do, right? So I have a. I have a for the entire week and I'm very diligent with it because it's I don't have to think about it. It's already in place, so I don't have to think about it. I don't have to talk myself out of it. I already know that after I'm done, I'm going to feel amazing, and I would say that a good deal of it too is, and I've heard so many people say this is, it's all or nothing, right, I don't have time to do an hour.
Speaker 2:I don't have time to do 40 minutes. So they think, well then, I'm just not going to do anything. It's like what can you do for 10 minutes? What? How can you move your body and how can you carve out time? Can you go for a 10, 15 minute walk on your lunch break? Can you, you know, as soon as you wake up in the morning, drink a glass of water first thing, and then can you do some, you know, a few squats and some crunches, whatever it is, get your blood flowing, get moving a little bit. So I really think people are just it's, they're getting too much into the thought process of it and not enough of the planning for it. When you plan for it, it's so much easier to just do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. How much strength work do you do, and do you recommend your clients do, in addition to cardio?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I don't fully coach on fitness. Coach like I get people into finding routines that work for them. I do give in the beginning. If someone does have you know they want to get more physically active, if they, you know, for whatever reason, I will just to kind of get them started. I'll give them a little routine and we talk it through. If there's certain movements they don't like or they can't physically do, we don't do that, and but I'll give them a series to do, maybe once or twice, and it takes about five to seven minutes, that's it, and it's really to just get in the habit of moving their body every day and then it's okay.
Speaker 2:Do you prefer to go to the gym? Do you prefer to work out from home? If you want to work out from home, what are some programs that you can now start to follow? Right? So for me, like I do recommend strength training. This is not bodybuilding, it's not throwing your back out, it's it's using weights that you can manage and maybe build up a little bit from. Uh, so I do.
Speaker 2:I do strength probably every other day, and the in between days I call them my active rest days, because those on my rest days I go to the gym and I'll sit on the I'll, I'll pedal on the bike while I read a book, or I'll walk on the treadmill. I've been biking lately because I have a foot injury that I'm recovering from, so the bike is easier for me. But I would typically I would walk, I would just walk at a really brisk pace with a little bit of an incline, listen to a podcast and I would do that for 40 minutes and I would do 10 minutes of stretching and maybe some sauna and then home and those are my rest days, because it's so, so important to on some level, on any level, to move your body every day. When we take these days completely off, to be a hundred percent sedentary, it makes it harder to stay in a consistent routine because then the next time you're going in you're like, oh, if I didn't do it yesterday and I've fallen into this.
Speaker 2:Like everything I talk about and I help coach on I've fallen victim to or I've been stuck in these traps. So I know how easy it is to get stuck and and I know what kind of helps with the consistency and keeping moving forward. So I always recommend strength training and with each individual client it would be what they can do and what they have available to them. You don't have any dumbbells at home. Okay, do you have any soup cans? Do you have like a resistance band? What are some things you can do.
Speaker 1:No, for sure. That's something I'm trying to get better at. I usually, if I'm training for something, I'll do the strength training, but if I'm not training for something, then that's usually the first thing to go, because I don't enjoy it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you're training for old age.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:We are all training for old age, so you're never out of training.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what my friend I don't know. If you know Lisa Klein, if you're familiar with her from LinkedIn. I am familiar with her. Yes, work you do, whether it's sitting or moving, fighting off illness, like you said, getting older, just all the things that kind of come with it. So I thought that was an interesting way to like kind of motivate yourself, like if for me especially, like okay, I'm not training for a race, but you know, I'm always training for life, because I don't have a choice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're. You're training to tie your shoes at 85. You're training to be able to get up and out of bed every day unassisted. We're training to be able to feed ourselves, like all of these things. And it's hard to, it's easy to lose sight of that because it seems so far away. So, with that as the end goal in sight, we need to set small goals in between so that we kind of keep our sights moving forward right.
Speaker 2:And one thing for me is I tend to have chronic back issues. So I know that if I go a certain number of days not exercising, my back will start to seize up, and so a lot of what I do is preventative, but I also a large part of it, I would say, is for my mental wellness is, you know, exercising? Because I know I can be really tough on myself when I'm in a period of not exercising, I can feel really down and I can get into these patterns of binging Netflix, and when I'm not exercising I'm far more inclined to go for the pantry or the fridge and eat something that isn't very good for me. So it's kind of like a full circle of benefits when you do exercise consistently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, and I'm the same. I've gone periods where I've been not into it. I just noticed a huge difference, and when I stick to it, I just feel better. Everything is better. My wife says I'm just a better person when I'm training for a race, which is why she's always encouraging me to sign up for races.
Speaker 2:Everybody's better when they're exercising. It just boosts your mood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Right. I mean that's not just a happy side effect. I mean that's science, Right, that's science Right, right, right, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:So as we finish up here we're almost at an hour I greatly appreciate your time and insight. If you want to talk about kind of just any final thoughts or you know, when you do work with people, kind of what your I mean everybody has different goals but at the end of those 12 weeks you know kind of what you hope to have accomplished or where you hope to see them, and then you can tell people how to reach you LinkedIn. If you have a website, I'll put it in the show notes too. But I'll give you kind of the floor to wrap up as you see fit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks, david. Well, I would say, you know, working one-on-one with clients, that oh, I lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1:No, no, totally fine, just like where you like to see people or like at the end of the 12 weeks.
Speaker 2:Yes, sorry, no, you're good. So I always say at the beginning of the 12 weeks that at the end of this, you are either going to reach one or two or all of your goals or you are going to have a really amazing foundation built so that you can then keep this going. A lot of programs that are within a time box, people tend to be very diligent within it and then, as soon as it's done, they're like woohoo, I finished, now let's go eat pizza and watch TV. And so I really try to set them up with the tools. And this is where the life coaching comes in too, because it's not just about doing the actions, it's also about connecting your mind to why you're doing those actions. What is your big why? Why are you working towards these things and reaching back to that as you go along After the 12 weeks, I mean, I do have people that say you know what I feel like?
Speaker 2:I have a great foundation, but I want to keep going. So we'll do another 12 weeks or we'll do individual sessions or whatnot, but you know there are quite a few people that at the end of another 12 weeks, or we'll do individual sessions or whatnot, but you know there are quite a few people that at the end of the 12 weeks they're like, okay, I'm going to see how I do on my own now for a little bit. You know, and I get messages all the time from people saying like, hey, I'm still doing this and I'm still doing that and I'm feeling great and I kept the weight off. And you know, and a lot of people are telling me that they tend to hear my voice in their head when they're making certain they'll be standing with the fridge door open and, like, my voice will pop into their head or you know, whatever it is they're doing. So I do love that. But, yeah, that's pretty much you know. That's kind of what to expect at the end of the very first 12 weeks working with me.
Speaker 2:And you asked where people can reach me me, and you asked where people can reach me. Well, my website is melissapikeca, so M-E-L-I-S-S-A-P-I-K-Eca. I'm on LinkedIn, melissa Pike, and I'm also on Instagram, so Melissa Pike. Underscore life coach. That is a mix of some of my personal stuff Because, again, I share my life, because, being a life coach, I want to connect with people and a lot of you know funny tips and videos and stuff for people as well in the health and wellness space.
Speaker 1:Awesome, I love it. Thank you so much for coming on. I really enjoyed the conversation and good luck to you and we'll see you around LinkedIn.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much, David. It was a pleasure to be here. Appreciate it.